Monday, April 1, 2019

What is your mask?

The Joker Mask. The Aggressor Mask. The Athlete Mask. The Know-It-All Mask.

These are four of the nine masks that Lewis Howes describes in his important book The Mask of Masculinity. I recommend the book to all, especially males, and I recommend the documentary The Mask You Live In by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the wife of California Governor Gavin Newsom.

Masculinity is an under-discussed, under-examined topic in the United States, and twisted masculinity norms are the root of numerous societal problems. I ask our readers today to be open-minded as we briefly contemplate masculinity in 2019.

First off, examinations of masculinity often are confined to college campuses in gender studies courses. I would vote for gender studies and discussions of masculinity as early as elementary school.

Other reasons why I believe masculinity isn't pondered is that 1) masculinity is so fragile, that any discussion threatens males, and 2) women's issues garner more attention because of the covert and overt sexism in our systemically troubled nation. However, upon further examination, men's and women's issues are inextricably linked.

Now, I am no particular expert of gender studies. But I have written a book with the working title Advice to Your Man: Navigating Relationships in the 21st Century. I quickly realized that an examination of masculinity was critical to the book's focus on marriage.

The "man box" is an important concept that I see as a first step with understanding modern masculinity. The man box shows the limitations of what a man is supposed to be and what he believes. In the man box, men "are supposed to be powerful and dominating, fearless and in control, strong and emotionless and successful in the boardroom, bedroom and on the ball field," as is explained by the organization A Call to Men.

In the film The Mask You Live In, we see that boys put on a masculine mask, which is not what any human being can or should be. The masks enable violence and the dehumanization of women and the self. As the boy wears a particular mask, he contorts his true self to fit the mask.
In the introduction in his 2017 book, Howes gives credit to The Mask You Live In (2015) to spurring his own study on masculinity. What I respond to most in Howes' book is his distinctions of different masks. One mask does not fit all. I see men who obviously wear the Stoic Mask or Invincible Mask. But I see others who wear the Material Mask, or finding one's self-worth through money and work.

Once the truths of masculinity are accepted in males, I see the next step as "reclaiming emotions." This is not easy for many reasons. Many guys are used to stifling emotions or replacing all emotions with what they see as socially acceptable emotions for a man, such as anger.

Another reason "reclaiming emotions" is difficult is that many men flat-out don't know how they feel. They have gone years and years without looking at their actual feelings. It takes a lot of honest introspection to understand one's emotions. Once emotions are reclaimed, or at least understood better, then life improves for the individual and those around him.

My sincere hope is that the topic of masculinity becomes more in the mainstream, and we look back at Siebel Newsom and Howes as trailblazers with giving this topic the crucial attention it deserves.

One celebration through my journey will be the eventual publication of Advice to Your Man. This is the first full length book I have written, and it will be a part of a series, or "franchise" if you will. I have allowed a couple friends to look at my current draft and will be developing a platform in the next year before agents eventually find me.

I must say that I learned a lot during the writing of the book. Not only marriage stuff and topics linked to it, but I learned a lot about myself, how I write, how I work and how I love. It turns out that love is an action, not a mere idea.

Writing a book is one more wrinkle in my life, and I do not consider it an individual accomplishment. I feel it is a testament to those who have nurtured me on my way — my mom, my family, friends and mentors. Especially, it is a testament to my wife, Dina, and my girls, who share a loving household with me. I sincerely hope ladies and their guys read Advice to Your Man.


Friday, March 22, 2019

Humanity shines through Holocaust survivor

Right before Gerda Seifer left Cerritos High School, she offered me imported candy from Germany. I obliged and tried the orange Woogie fine drop and felt the humanity of the moment.

Here was a 91-year-old Holocaust survivor who just addressed high-school students in two sessions for two hours. She was giving me candy. What a woman!

As I try to wrap my head around Gerda's experience and super student Caroline Mendoza's Genocide Project, I conclude that examinations of the Holocaust and genocide couldn't come at a better time. Our world is missing something crucial right now, and that's called humanity.

I wonder this. Is my thesis wrong? Do you have an example of humanity that you can share? Please do so in a comment below. If not, please explain why you agree that humanity is often lost nowadays.

First, let me explain what's happening with Gerda and the Genocide Project. High school junior Caroline Mendoza walked into my classroom one day and wondered if I would teach a lesson about genocide that she created. She was on the path of obtaining her Gold Award as a Girl Scout, and this was part of her ambitious project.

I listened to her plan and passion and could relate to her main point: Genocides are grossly unexamined in schools, and it's our responsibility to make sure students are aware of them. 

I jumped on board of her plan, but tweaked it with her. Why wouldn't she teach the class?

So I gave her some basic teaching tips, and she taught my classes about genocide. She then explained how the project must be sustainable, and we enlisted five sophomores to team-teach five classes about genocide. The manner in which Caroline did this with our team of five — Josh, Kayla, Maanav, Samantha and Vivian — was professional and in depth. Wow!

The students covered the Armenian Genocide (1.5 million dead), Holocaust (6 million dead), Cambodian Genocide (1.7 million dead), Rwandan Genocide (750,000 dead) and the Guatemalan Genocide (at least 40,000 dead).

After that, they took their presentations to the next level when they explained that there are current genocides happening in Burma, Darfur, Iraq and Syria. As human beings, how are we not outraged about this? How are we doing nothing about this?

Then, Caroline coordinated having Gerda Seifer, a Holocaust survivor, speak at our school to two sessions of approximately 300 students each. Here is Gerda with Caroline:
Gerda lost her parents in the Holocaust. Her mother was killed in an extermination camp, and she is unaware of what happened to her father. She is from Poland, and she survived by living in a darkened basement for six weeks when she was 14 years old.

Her story has been told in various outlets, including the Press-Telegram, Orange County Register, the Holocaust Museum and more. (Please check out those publications for more information.)

But let me return to my main insight, spurred by Gerda. Humanity is more important now than ever. The world I see nowadays has less face-to-face interactions than when I was young. Google Chromebooks are in classrooms at first grade, so students have more screen time and less face-to-face time not only at home but also in the classroom.

I wholeheartedly believe that Chromebooks and technology can be major learning tools. They're great for writing, but terrible for reading and attention spans.

Certain human traits, such as empathy and sympathy, can only be learned through actual face-to-face communication and feeling. In an unintended consequence of technology, actual humanity is being lost. But yesterday, to see, and interact, with a Holocaust survivor in the flesh in 2019 was a bit of a miracle.

At least, that's where my thoughts went with Gerda. At the end of the day, she offered me candy. I find it rare that anyone offers me anything out of sheer goodness and kindness. Why is this?

Friday, March 8, 2019

Spies move blog to self-improvement

Pain, neglect, anger, loneliness, fear — I see it all as an educator.

Most of the kids — and adults — I encounter replace dealing with difficult emotions with escapism. They have deceitful self-talk, or they pacify with their phones or Netflix. Some mistakenly believe "achievement" will be the answer for their existence.

Sadly, they're on the wrong path, and they need to embrace SPIES.

We're not talking espionage here. We're talking about the five key elements of being human that can be neglected. We're talking social, emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual health.

This post officially takes the Snooze Button Generation blog in a new direction of self-care and self-improvement. We will be posting about ideas and tips on how to identify gaps between our actions and goals and what we can do about that.

Today, we simply ask readers to consider looking at the self through the lens of SPIES. Think about yourself with five parts — social, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual — then ask yourself: Where do I need most growth? Please post at least a one-word answer of social, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual as a comment below.

If you post a little more info, I will recommend a possible book for you, depending on where you are. As an avid reader and huge proponent of self-care and self-improvement, I likely can recommend a book on any component or offshoot of SPIES.

For me, I am looking most to improve my spiritual side. Emotional is close second, but I have been working on a daily action plan emotionally. I check-in with myself at least three times per day and ponder how I actually feel. By doing that, I have often recognized stress and have cut down on it. When I'm stressed, I breathe deep, clear my mind and focus on positive thoughts of love, Dina, Sophie, Chloe and calm nature scenes. "Love is the way" is my calming thought.

In schools, we typically over-stress intellectual growth and reward that by giving tests, where kids can get an "A." A lot of kids and parents care about grades, but aren't the social, physical, emotional and spiritual health of a child way more important than a GPA?

One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Twain. "It ain't what you don't know that gets you in trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."

It turns out that education for only intellectual growth isn't much of an education. As kids get older, I fear that their social, emotional and spiritual growth will be stunted unless they deliberately focus on these elements.

As for me, my spiritual action plan is connected to this blog. I believe that if I put out healthy ideas into the world that good karma will come back to me. Maybe that's called "Polish karma." I'm going with that.

Friday, March 1, 2019

What is your cause?

This blog will celebrate its 10-year anniversary in August. A decade!

I want to thank everybody who has stuck with me and the blog. I have evolved a lot, and I bet you have, too. Imagine what you were doing 10 years ago.

Today marks the next step in the Snooze Button Generation blog's evolution. I will be taking our readers for a ride and in a new direction, but that direction won't be revealed until the next post. Ooh, it's a cliffhanger!

The new direction will focus on an important cause — one that is universal, bipartisan and will actually help individuals and the world. The cause is about empowering others, creating leaders (not followers) and helping people's actual lives. While it's true that a lot of the tone in this blog has been offbeat and humorous, let me say that the new direction is no joke. But we'll have fun with it, homie.

I am curious about you, reading this now. If you prioritized what truly matters to you in a few words, or just one cause, what would it be? What is your cause?

In the age of quick, chewable thoughts, I imagine that many would joke and say things like "liquid soap" or "Big Chungus." Or maybe the thoughts would go to "dump Trump," "get rich" or "Channing Tatum." But truly, deeply, seriously, what is your cause?

Sadly, I fear most don't really have a cause. It might be "my job" or "school." If that's the case, feel free to think in the hypothetical. If you had a cause, what would it be? I plan on taking action with my cause, and I urge you to do the same, if you have not already.

Please share your cause as a comment. I will be an ally — assuming I do indeed support your cause (our cause). I ask that you become an ally for my cause (our cause), too — assuming you support it when it's revealed.
For those who don't know me, I started this blog when I was going through a divorce and after a 12-year career in print journalism. I was starting a new career as a high-school teacher, and the premise of the Snooze Button Generation was a homage to '80s and early '90s pop culture. It was tailored to nostalgic Gen Xers, who I dubbed the Snooze Button Generation.

For the first three years of the blog, we did an average of two posts per week. We talked about Atari, Lloyd Dobler, the Apple IIc, Drakkar Noir, the Humpty Dance, Jake from "Sixteen Candles" and much more.

I enjoyed writing about that stuff and got a lot of laughs, but on Feb. 16, 2011, my world flipped upside down when my dad, the XMan, unexpectedly passed away. I somehow pieced together a post on that traumatic day.

When I thawed out slightly from my dad's death, I took the blog to a more personal place. I stayed with old-school pop culture, but evolved to include more personal posts and some that were flat-out intimate. That format has lasted for the past few years.

The new focus will be more humanistic and genuinely connect us. Real connection is worth more now than ever — in the world of social media and fake cyber connection. Now, you might say, "Wait a second. Isn't this fake too?"

I don't think so. I am sincere about connecting us, and others, through our causes. Heck, there are 10 years worth of blogs to check out and see the evolution of how we got here. I have realized that we can't really accomplish anything if we go at it alone. We need to connect, and we need each other's support.

What's your cause?

Friday, February 1, 2019

Uncle Ed is better than Federer

Eddie. Lynda. Freddie.

That is the trio pictured. My dad, Fred, is on the left with the mustache.

This is taken in Chippewa Lake, Ohio, with the Stevens cottage — 42 Bungalow Bay — in the background. The photo is likely in the middle of a tennis match. Tennis courts are directly to my dad's right.

Spending many summer days in Chippewa, this trio engaged in many grueling tennis matches. They were great players, and my Uncle Ed and Aunt Lynda continue to be quality players to this day.

It will likely sound like hyperbole, but Uncle Ed is better than Roger Federer.

Now, you might say that is a stupid claim because Federer has 20 Grand Slam titles and was No. 1 in the world for six years. But, come on, he is BORING. As a casual pro tennis fan, I have avoided watching Federer for years. Too robotic. Yawn.

Uncle Ed, on the other hand, has Federer beat with longevity, style and charm. He's logged in more years on the court than the Swiss mister and was not afraid to play shirtless in humid Ohio summers in the 1980s. One commonality he shares with Federer is that I am not sure I beat either in an actual match.

But, really, my serious point must be asked: What is more important to our youth — to be No. 1 in the world or to play tennis for your entire lifetime? Honestly, Uncle Ed is a healthier role model than Federer because sports should be about health and development and love of the game.

I truly question the state of youth sports. We have travel teams, club teams, extra fees, hardcore competition, stress and coaches shaming kids. Why? What happened to the good ol' days when kids just played together outside for the love of the game?

Earlier this year, Uncle Ed and my cousin Jen told me they were playing mixed doubles in a tournament, and they had absolutely glee in their eyes when talking about it. What does Federer think about that?
When I was a teenager, I remember Uncle Ed being extremely active on the court, an animal at the net. My Aunt Lynda had a different style. She was a baseline player and was just ridiculously consistent. We did not keep statistics, nor did we have Cyclops, but I believe it was common for her to have ZERO unforced errors in a match.

I cannot say that Aunt Lynda is better than Serena Williams, but she rivals her. The problem my aunt faces on the women's circuit is that it is full of personalities. Serena oozes personality, and the women's game has so much more chutzpah than the men's game.

I argue that tennis is the only sport in which the women's spectator version is better than the men's. This might sound sexist, and I understand that. But it's what I believe. With all other sports, I'd rather watch the men's version. But I prefer women's tennis to men's — and that hurts Aunt Lynda in the pantheon of sports greatness.

Women's tennis has longer rallies, and I also like its three-set format. For god's sakes, why do the men have to play best of five? And where are the personalities? I totally miss the days of McEnroe, Andre Agassi, Boris Becker, Andy Kellar and Richie Tenenbaum.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Examining the back story

Back in 1987, I was in a body cast.

For whatever reason, I don't often talk about that episode. I had reconstructive back surgery, was in the Cleveland Clinic for 21 days and was wheeled away with a cast and rods in my back.

The truth is that at the time I did not think the surgery had any deep meaning. I needed surgery. I got it. I could not play sports for a full year after it.

But, upon further review, this event is out of the ordinary for the average teenager. Maybe there is a cliche in there somewhere. Maybe I learned how to overcome obstacles. Maybe I showed persistence or something like that.

Today is New Year's Day, and I think I am writing about my back surgery because there is a fresh start feel in the air. Many things are colliding today because of me exploring this topic and me realizing that there is no cliche, or conveniently wrapped, ending to my back surgery story. I also realize that many people withhold telling important stories, turning points, for fear of judgement.

So why has it taken me 32 years to write about my back surgery? The main reason why is that I am not defined by it and did not want to be defined about it.

As a former journalist, I know that my colleagues and I would often do stories of firsts:

"You are the first African-American to be an astronaut. What is that like?"

"You are the first woman to be nominated for best director. What is that like?"

In my pop-culture loving American world, the thoughts behind many so-called "stories" are myopic, stereotypical and completely not real. As it relates to me, well, I never wanted to be the "kid in the body cast" or "the kid with the bad back."

No, no, there was way more to me than that, so because those sentiments were common, I pushed the conversation away from that. And, yeah, I did that when I was 13 years old.
About my back, the surgery in June 1987 was my second back surgery, after one in May '86. As a seventh grader in '86, I felt some pain in my lower back toward the end of basketball season in February. As the months progressed, the pain became unbearable, and I eventually could no longer run.

With a trip to the Cleveland Clinic, I did various tests, including an MRI, and was diagnosed with an arachnoid cyst in my back the "size of a sausage." By the time that diagnosis occurred, I was eager to have surgery. I was in major pain, and this had to stop.

The pictures above, without the body cast, are from the '86 surgery. Recovery from that was not easy but bearable. I was not ready to play football that started in August, but I was go to go with basketball, which started in October.

I felt fine and was on an eighth grade CYO basketball team that was in the Final Four for the city of Cleveland, thank you very much. Around this time, I did some follow-ups at the Cleveland Clinic, and it was determined that if I did not have reconstructive back surgery, then I would develop a permanent curvature in my spine.

The second surgery was no joke. Afterward, I wore the body cast for six months, then had a brace for three more months. With the cast, it meant sponge baths for six months, and at a certain point, I yearned to have the darn thing off.

Then, the brace was kind of a bummer because it was more obvious that I was wearing it. The cast was smooth and actually less noticeable.

When people ask me how the back surgeries affected me, I sometimes say that it got me to read for the first time. That is partially true because I was laid up for so long that reading was part of my routine. Maybe that put me on the path to be a writer.

I could say things like, "Y'know, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger," or "It taught me how to deal with adversity at a young age."

However, looking back, I'm not so sure I had those thoughts. Looking back, it was really about identity and my fear of being labeled or judged or misunderstood. If I have to make some sort of big statement, it is another reminder of how fragile life is and how good health is a gift and deserving of genuine gratitude.
This topic brings us to my brother Fred, who was gliding along healthy as an ox until about a week before Christmas. He got a nasty case of the flu, so much so that it landed him with a hospital trip. Then, after taking Tamiflu, he was practically paralyzed.

Fred went back to the emergency room and was quickly diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome. He then was admitted to the hospital for five days, and over Christmas, to receive treatment. He has the most positive attitude I've run across in a while and is doing so well that he's thinking he won't even have to do outpatient physical therapy. In the hospital, he could not use his hands nor walk.

Through Fred's episode and my own back story in the '80s, my mom was at her boys' side in the hospital every day, so she deserves a shoutout. But, yeah, health remains such an important part of living that I say it's a foolish when we partake in unhealthy activities.

So Happy New Year! Maybe this is the year to make a commitment to exercise, healthier diets, no more junk food and drinking. Life indeed is fragile.

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Cable loss, net gain

I cancelled cable about two months ago, and I have been watching more TV than ever. What the heck?

Apparently, I have been extremely slow to the party when it comes to streaming. I have been buffering, buffering, buffering ...

I've had Netflix for several years, but who knew I even had an Amazon Prime account? And, my God, if you string together trials of Hulu, Sling and whatever free apps are out there, there's hardly a reason to pay for cable.

The main reason I did this is that we put a new roof on our home, and we had DirecTV. We preferred to not have a hole on the roof where our dish was. So we took down the dish and then tried the "no cable" as an experiment. I believe it has worked, and we don't want the cable.

Here's the problem: I had hoped to recuperate and bring back brain cells. Instead, Dina and I have been binge watching a zillion shows and have bags under our eyes.

As a member of the Snooze Button Generation (tm), television has had a major effect on me. From time to time, I write about TV and did so five years ago when the SBG staff came up with its top 10 TV shows of all time.

Now, that type of list is arbitrary and open for debate. In the world of streaming and binge watching, it seems amazing that there were entertaining shows with the format of network TV. In fact, only three shows on the list from five years ago — The Sopranos, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Top Chef — were from non-major networks.

It may not be fair to compare Netflix offerings with the shows on the older list, but in many ways, the newer shows are better produced, have more artistry and depth. In a public service to our readers, here is a holiday streaming guide. This is a list of 10 shows, or movies, recommended for when we're cooped up for the holidays:

1. The Keepers (Netflix, 2017)

Who killed Sister Cathy? This is the documentary version of "Spotlight," the Academy Award winning film from 2015. Instead of taking place in Boston, this is in Baltimore. The horrific things that occur in "The Keepers" had me outraged, and I couldn't keep my eyes off it.

2. Red Oaks (Amazon Prime, 2015-17)

Character-driven, artistic, real and funny, Red Oaks did what Amazon Prime probably hoped. It got me to watch the service. The performance by Paul Reiser is incredible, and heavyweights Hal Hartley, Amy Heckerling and David Gordon Green direct it. By the way, I recommend Hal Hartley's films, too. I loved those in the '80s and '90s.
3. Martin McDonagh's films

When I saw "Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri" (2017), I was blown away. Why aren't there more movies like this — character-driven, intelligent writing and unique? "Three Billboards" got my to see "Seven Psychopaths" (2012) and "In Bruges" (2008). Those two films bring out comparisons to Quentin Tarantino, and, heck, that's a good thing.

4. Barry (HBO, 2018-present) 

I'm hoping that the second season is as good as the first. I'm also hoping that the show resists the urge to worry about plot. They got some killer characters (pun slightly intended), and Henry Winkler is truly incredible in it.

5. Evil Genius: The True Story of America's Most Diabolical Bank Heist (Netflix, 2018)

I had never heard of this bank heist in Erie, Pa., from 2003 often called the "bomb collar" or "pizza bomber" case. It was pure madness and impossible for me not to watch.

6. Greta Gerwig's films

She's different than McDonagh in many ways, and with me, she is different because I knew her before "Lady Bird" came out around the same time as "Three Billboards." I knew her from "Frances Ha" (2012) and "Mistress America" (2015), and I loved those.

7.  Norm MacDonald Has a Show (Netflix, 2018)

I love Norm so much that this probably should be higher on this list. But I've always known Norm is hilarious and my favorite comedian. His own show on YouTube also is awesome.

8. Man in the High Castle (Amazon Prime, 2015-present)

The premise and characters are what I love most from this series based on the 1962 novel by Philip K. Dick. I especially love the first season and will watch all seasons, although I must admit that I'm normally not a fan of Dick.

9. Master of None (Netflix, 2015-17)

Apparently, a third season could happen, as long as Aziz Ansari wants to do it. As I mention this show, I realize that there needs to be more like it. It's official: "Funny, intelligent and character driven" is what I like most in the world of streaming.

10. Wild Wild Country (Netflix, 2018)

In the vein of "The Keepers" and "Evil Genius," it's another one of those "I can't believe it" documentaries. I hadn't known what happened with this cult in Oregon in the '80s, and the way the episodes are handled pull the viewer in various directions.

Thursday, November 1, 2018

We are all 50 now

We're all 50 now.

I find a bit of freedom with turning 50. I can finally be an adult. Make no mistake about it. I am a seasoned vet and feel free to come to me if you're looking for wisdom.

An unexpected byproduct of October 2018 is that I have vicariously turned 50. Now, I know my birth certificate says I was born in 1973, but I don't care. I'm 50!

Cue former Saturday Night Liver Molly Shannon, who happens to be from Cleveland and whom I bumped into once outside a Rite Aid in Larchmont Village with her daughter. I'm 50!

It happened so fast. Youth, where have you gone?

Earlier in the month, I realized a coworker was turning 50, and to me, that's a cause for celebration — or at least something. We did a cake and sang, even though we're avant garde English teachers and normally don't do that type of thing. We are too cool for this as we await the cultural revolution and a nationwide return to poetry. Presumably, that would happen at Wal-Mart.

A week after, I realized my long-time Press-Telegram comrade Don Jergler was turning 50. I went to Don's wedding nine years ago and his baby's shower, and I've had many cocktails with him over the years. But the only thought I had was, "Oh, wow, Don's fifty?!?"

Then, in my world, the biggest 50 of them all came on Oct. 25, when my brother officially turned it. Wonderful, and incredible, Judi threw a surprise party for him previous week, and I flew into Cleveland to surprise him, somehow wrestle the microphone from him and give him several male embraces. Holy, moly, we're all 50.

If that weren't enough, on the next day, my wife's cousin's wife (got that?) turned 50, and we like her quite I bit. We went to her wedding a few years ago in Minnesota and her to ours. How much more evidence do we need? We're all 50!
Due to society's conventions, I am not allowed to discuss a woman's age and/or weight, and I will not do that with my beloved Dina. However, if I'm 50, she's 50. We're all 50 now.

I feel a sense of freedom to turn this age. I'm still working, but, honestly, retirement isn't too far off. In 15 years, I'll have Medicare. Yes! Also, I may just stay stuck at 50 for the next 10 years and then jump to 60. Why be so picky with all of these other years?

People say things like, "Age is a state of mind" or "You're only as old as you feel." I guess, but why is it so wrong to be a little bit older and be 50? Why do I have to hide this?

During the first year of this blog, back on New Year's Eve 2009, I felt old when Replacements frontman Paul Westerberg turned 50. I was surprised he was hitting that age and was living a bit of a suburban life at the time. I used to think "We are the sons of no one, bastards of young!" Well, that would make us young, too, then. Right?

There certainly is a double standard with being a 50-year-old sophisticated gentleman as opposed to a 50-year-old woman. That's absolutely unfortunate, but I do know that I am excited to enter my fifth decade. I hope to keep aging with grace.





Monday, October 1, 2018

Memento mori

Back in 2010, the Snooze Button Generation (tm) staff determined that this blog and all of its subsidiaries would not do posts about the birthdays of CEO and founder Joe Stevens.

Today, we assure you that this is not a typical post about birthdays that says: "Mr. Stevens turned 45. Yay!!"

No, no, this is a bit different. This is a post about life, death, morality and humanity in which the phrase "memento mori" will be mentioned.

Mr. Stevens has some maudlin tendencies and sometimes looks at death as a "negative" part of life. Back in 2010, he said, "Believing in an afterlife is self-deceit. So each year, there's a bittersweet feeling about getting closer to chest-bumping the grim reaper? But y'know what? If you know what you're doing, each year gets better, and a birthday is a cause for celebration."

The Snooze Button Generation staff concludes that Mr. Stevens sometimes goes to the dark side, kind of like Paul Giamatti's character in the movie "Sideways." In fact, he was slightly depressed on his birthday and said things like, "Well, it's one more reminder of my inevitable doom. Another candle on the cake — might as well be another nail in the coffin."

Based on our years of working with Mr. Stevens, we have discovered that this death talk is part of his motif. He's like the goth girl in high school who would wear all black and say, "I wear black on the outside because that's how I feel on the inside." Just like the goth chick, Mr. Stevens does a lot of his morbid stuff for show.

Well, the SBG staff says, "Memento mori!"
Remember, that you die, you have to die. It is perfectly fine and human. To err is human. To be human means to be mortal. Humanity is beautiful as is mortality.

We say to take it and relish it, Mr. Stevens. You have helped make our days more than worthwhile by being on your staff and have offered many insights and peeks into your life that we have enjoyed.

An extremely relevant point he made on how fast life goes is when he concluded that age should be a fraction because of our perception of time. An 8-year-old is really only 1/8th, while a 45-year-old is a 1/45th because that's what he experiences that year.

Another catch phrase Mr. Stevens has been saying of late has been "30,000 days." It's a reference to the rough estimate for a human being's life expectancy, and it keeps with his death motif. We calculated that on his birthday he was at 16,425 days and told him that.

When he heard that, he said, "Oh geez. Figures. I'm telling you it's the Catholic stuff. They make up this heaven thing, tell it to 7-year-olds, and it undermines life and humanity. It's taken me years to understand that human life is actually better than any magical after-life with unicorns and rainbows. Thank God I gave up on that heaven madness. Oh, and thanks for the happy birthday."

The SBG staff debated on whether he went to the dark side with that statement, and, ultimately, we say he did not. Perhaps it was his way of saying: memento mori.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Goodbye, baggage


The bag has been retired.

For approximately 10 years, this red, white and blue bag has been going back and forth between two co-parents’ homes. With Chloe entering middle school this year, the bag will no longer do that.

Until fifth grade, the girls did brief after-school care at a place called Kids' Club at their elementary school. Kids' Club was cool with having the bag hanging out there, and now, there is no more after-school care. The bag is retired!

The end of this baggage is a symbolic end of the idea of "baggage." Emotional baggage is something that people can bring into relationships from past relationships. I get that.

The worst part about the idea of "baggage" is to assume that a divorce or children are automatic baggage. That absolutely is not the case, and I'm offended by that type of thinking.

When people ask me when I got divorced, I say “2008.” I believe that’s the best year to say because that’s when I permanently moved out. The divorce wasn’t legally finalized until after that, I think it’s OK to say “it's been 10 years since being divorced.”

A lot of growth has occurred in these 10 years for me, and especially for my daughters, who are in eighth and sixth grade. Divorce is such a loaded term, but so is marriage. I argue that divorces and marriages come in many different shapes and sizes, and it is a disservice to make assumptions of what they are.

I used to see “divorce” as some sort of scarlet letter, something to be ashamed of, a failure. As life has progressed, I laugh at that simplistic view of divorce because it was based on unfounded assumptions.

I have met countless well-balanced, loving children who come from divorces, and I have met similar children who come from married parents. The critical factor in parenting, to me, is if the parents emotionally support their children through the child’s development. It’s irrelevant if that support comes from two houses or one house; I might even argue that two houses of love are better than one.
Being 10 years removed from divorce and being remarried in a loving, supportive relationship, I certainly see divorce differently. When I was 15, I thought I knew it all. When I was 25, I thought I knew it all. I finally figured out around age 38 that I didn’t know it all and never will. Perhaps that’s called maturity.

The one thing about being divorced that is awful is others’ misconceptions of what that means. I wrote about how divorced dads are misunderstood about two years ago, and that remains true.

The main point today is that being from a divorced family does not mean the child is “tainted.” I fully expect my daughters to having loving and healthy relationships as they grow, and no doubt, they will. I predict they will look back on their childhood and realize how they were loved from all angles — mom, dad, stepmom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. I hope they look as fondly at their childhood as I do at mine.

However, I must be brutally honest and say there has been at least one downside to being divorced. It's that damn bag!

I tried to negotiate that bag out of existence a long time ago with Chloe and reluctantly agreed to “middle school” as the end point. I just didn’t have the heart to make a stand on the bag because the main things she was lugging back “Old Pink” and “New Pink” were two security blankets. But then with those blankets in there, it opened the door to other stuff.
 
Finally, the bag is retired. Chloe is keeping “New Pink” and Cheshie, her Cheshire Cat, at my house and “Old Pink” at mom’s house. I’m not so sure she really needs these things, but then again, do I really need my 97 Chewbaccas?


Sophie is in eighth grade now and doesn’t really have security items like this. Heck, she hasn’t been really lugging things back and forth for a few years now. Both of the girls are thriving, and both have two houses. In their case, two is indeed better than one.


Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Starbucks siren named 'greatest logo of all-time'

I drank Starbucks more than ever this past year, and I am pondering: "Why was I doing this?"

Of course, we could attribute it most likely to caffeine addiction or a boatload of gift cards. But as I truly analyze it, I just think I like the cup.

Yeah, in my mind, Starbucks has "The Greatest Logo of All-Time."

This is quite a statement because there are many logos that are much more iconic. Let the debate begin! The golden arches of McDonald's come to mind, as does Coca-Cola lettering and the Nike swoosh.

But even with all the established, mega-companies and logos out there, I got to give it up to the siren from Starbucks because when anybody goes into a Starbucks, the customer typically walks away with one item and the logo. I know of no other store where there is so much logo buying with so little in return.

Coca-Cola, Pepsi and all other preceding drink logos definitely deserve credit for being the precursor to the Starbucks siren. But Starbucks itself deserves credit for going with this logo, and it certainly has the world's market cornered on coffee logos.

There are 27,339 Starbucks in the world and 13,000 in the United States. This store's main thing is selling coffee and coffee drinks and not much more. Try having all of those stores without the mesmerizing logo. Good luck!
Earlier this year, my daughters and I paid a lot of attention to logos while we were driving, and we noticed a lot of red, white and blue in them. Some of them we take for granted, perhaps, like the logos at gas stations and fast-food places.

In the smart phone, Internet, Wi-Fi age, I would argue that we are bombarded with more advertising and logos than ever. I, like everybody, am accustomed to five-second ads on YouTube before I click like a monkey.

I do not purport to be a graphic designer whatsoever, so others might argue for different logos as the so-called "greatest" and probably have good reasons why. But in my mind and with my criteria, the Starbucks siren outdoes FedEx, Apple and anything else that comes to mind.

I also must give it up to the logos of luxury items, such as Chanel, Louis Vuitton and Ralph Lauren, for commanding such high prices for their products — because of their logos. Solely. (Or not. I have heard that Louis Vuitton leather comes from the hand of God.)

But the real products that boggle my mind are Sharpies, Kleenex, Band-Aids, Chapstick, Xerox and more. Those are eponyms, and they often replace the actual words of black markers, tissues, bandages, lip balm on a stick and photocopying.

While Xerox machines have only been around since 1959, coffee has been in existence since 1671. So I don't think the actual word "Starbucks" will ever replace coffee, but after this blog, maybe we should go get a Starbucks.


Sunday, July 1, 2018

MTV videos: An underappreciated art form

"They're an old VH-1 couple!"

When I was a teenager, I distinctly remember making fun of "old" couples who stayed in and watched VH-1. They were reminiscing about the bands of their day — the Who, Zeppelin, maybe even Motown.

I recently had an MTV Classic kick and realized, "Uh-oh, Spaghetti O's, Dina and I are one of those VH-1 couples!"

Oh, I saw some awesome videos, including the Breeders' "Cannonball," "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits, "Waterfalls" by TLC and much more. Of course, anyone can call up any famous video instantaneously on YouTube, but an added value comes to a video that just plays on MTV Classic. I'm not sure I would have played "Waterfalls" on YouTube.

Videos still come out nowadays for popular songs on YouTube. But the good ole days of us waiting around to see Michael Jackson's "Thriller" or Van Halen's "Panama" or Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" have been long gone for 30 years. Wow, yes, where has that time gone? Those days have been gone since 1986.

The station with actual videos nowadays is called MTV Classic. This station was named VH-1 Classic from 1999 to 2016, then became MTV Classic. The actual MTV network without the "Classic" has shows including "Teen Mom: Young and Pregnant," "Teen Mom 2" and "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation." At least those were the three shows upcoming on MTV when I just looked. Of course, MTV originally stood for "Music Television," but the network has been misnamed for at least 20 years.

As I ponder my foray into MTV Classic, I realize that MTV is such an ironic, pop cultural trendsetter that it is worth understanding its unartistic, unfortunate path to reality TV. MTV's heyday was 1981-1992, when it was founded and before "The Real World" hit the airwaves. "The Real World" came out in '92, and it had its most recent installment in 2016. It was the 32nd installment and in Seattle.

A big question is: Who in the world cares about the Real World any more? What we were thinking devoting hours upon hours of mindless viewing to Puck?
So to do the math, videos without the Real World lasted 11 years. Then, the Real World droned on for 24 years, and there is talk there could be yet another Real World installment.

At the time, many of us were addicted to the Real World, but it was just a matter of time before the novelty of the show wore off and we recognized reality TV conventions. We moved onto other, improved reality shows on other networks.

MTV and the Real World definitely deserve credit, or notoriety, with bringing reality TV into American pop culture, being the first of its kind and being the trailblazers to the genre. Who could have possibly seen that reality TV would dominate the airwaves — and world — how it did, and then the United States electoral college would elect a reality TV star/business man as its president with zero political experience?

As I still ponder what happened to MTV and videos, the bigger question is: What happened to us?

We used to be cool, man. We used to brag about our bands. Whether we liked R.E.M. and U2 or Def Leppard and Poison, we had important soundtracks in our life. I'm not saying our life is devoid of music now, but do we share the same glee for music and videos that we used to have?

Are we still into reality TV like we used to be? I certainly don't think so. I, for one, have moved onto Netflix, random TV viewing and my daughter's current fancy of K-Pop with BTS leading the way. Thanks a lot, Rap Monsta, now known only as "RM."

I'm not sure there has been a good sitcom since "The Office." And I wonder if there were ever, or will be, reality TV that would be worth viewing a second time. Uh ... nope!

Videos, shockingly, somehow stand the test of time. Some of them are excellent vignettes. Man, Duran Duran did a lot with "Hungry Like the Wolf." Whitney Houston somehow riveted me every time with "I Wanna Dance With Somebody."

Yes, videos were consumable, as is so much of pop culture. But I fear our pop culture today is not only consumable, but immediately to be discarded, too. Good for you, music videos. You have stood the test of time.

Friday, June 1, 2018

Chewbacca, Love and Basketball

Cue the voice of former NBA commissioner David Stern:

"With the first pick in the 2018 Star Wars draft, Chloe selects Chewbacca from the planet Kashyyyk."

I found myself at the kitchen table with Dina, Sophie and Chloe during this incredible Cavs' playoff run, and we pondered which Star Wars characters would be the best basketball players. It was unanimous that Chewie would be the best, but beyond that, we had friendly debates of which guys would be best.

Before you knew it, we held a draft — five players and a sixth man — and here are the results:

Chloe: Chewbacca, Yoda, Boba Fett, Blind Guy who Dies, Poe, Chewie's other friend who is enslaved

Sophie: Han Solo, Anakin/Vader, Leia, Ben Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Rey

Dina: Guy with the scar in "Solo," Woody Harrelson, Qi'Ra, Stormtrooper #10,  Woody's girlfriend, The Serpent Thing

Dad: Luke, pilot who looks like John Stockton, Lando but only as Billy Dee Williams, Chewie's friend who helps him carry the stuff, Hammerhead, the Emperor

Right off the bat, I like my team. I went with best available players and didn't focus too heavy on positions. The tough decision I faced was in the third round: Do I go with Billy Dee Williams' Lando or Boba Fett?

I was leaning toward Fett, but had a brief thought that he may not be allowed to wear the jetpack during a game. I went with Lando, and then Chloe snagged Boba Fett with the next pick. Dang! That girl is ruthless.

I must say that I took a liberty by selecting Chewie's Wookiee friend in the fourth round. I'm not sure that is fair because he is not named in "Solo." Then, Chloe followed suit with another unnamed Wookiee for her sixth man. Ruthless! Also, I notice that Dina only selected players from "Solo." She once claimed to "not remember the other ones" and then that "you guys took all the good ones."

What is the point of this? Well, whenever friends visit, they often are amazed and/or alarmed by my glorious Chewbacca collection. It stands at 77 Chewies and an additional 20 in storage. A common comment is: "Wow, you must really like Chewie."

Strangely, I started the collection with a mild like for Chewie, but I just found this website called eBay.com and got carried away. But I do officially love Chewie now. He stole the show in "Solo," and he is just an all-around nice, furry guy.

Not that it's saying much, but "Solo" is my fourth favorite film in the "Star Wars" saga. It follows the big three of "Star Wars," "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi." Ron Howard directed it, and while it certainly is no "Cocoon," it was better than I thought it would be.

Apparently, the next Star Wars film will focus on Boba Fett. Hopefully, it will be about his basketball skills.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Dare greatly and improvise

"I have a confession, Dr. Hair!"

"Your broken legs make me love you more!"

"I love you so much; I'm breaking my legs, too!"

These are some odd lines I said on my quest to learn improv. In an eight-week class, I learned how to at least be competent at improv. Hopefully, I can help any scene. I enjoyed it quite a bit and realize that I love pushing myself outside my "comfort" zone. Why not?

I must give shoutouts to my instructor, Richard Martinez, and Darren Held, the head of the improv studio at Held2gether in Long Beach. They enjoy what they do, are extremely experienced and helped me understand what we're going for. I will certainly give them a plug: If you are in Southern California and want to try improv, I highly recommend Held2gether.

Improv is all about establishing what the heck the audience is looking at, building on that and then bringing BIG emotion and a BIG scene. Strangely, things clicked when my soulmate, Dina, gave me a printout of improv tips. Now, my instructor Richard had been saying this all along, but for whatever reason, by seeing the printout, I really got it.

The main things that helped me take a major step forward in improv were: 1) Stop going for the joke, bro. The humor in improv comes through the relationship and scenario, and 2) Don't talk so much, bro. Well, that actually is an issue in all facets of my life. Why can't I be more like my tightlipped Grandpa Stevens? Use necessary words. Make those count. Right?

But, really, the main story from my improv class was Dina. Damn, girl, she is an improv maestro. She really knows what she's doing. She's got a zillion characters, helps create unique and big scenes. She's also got some experience.
I passed Level 1, so I have the go-ahead for Level 2. Unfortunately, that falls on a day with parenting duties, and so, I cannot take it right now. But I am demanding that Dina sticks with it because she is so good at it. I am considering taking a stand-up comedy class, which is a completely different animal than improv, and I'm hoping that is fun as well.

The big takeaway is that it feels great to do something new and creative. Music, theater, writing, dance, visual art — I love this stuff. It turns out that artistic creativity is a skill and not a "talent." Sadly, the value of artistic growth is rarely stressed. I repeatedly see students, parents and educators discount the importance of the arts because they believe the main role for education is a career path and often find artistic endeavors not worthwhile.

I highly recommend "The Creative Habit" by Twyla Tharp, the famous choreographer. She explains how creative people are not inspired by the heavens or struck with some sort of genius. Rather, they establish routines with creativity in them, and they work daily to build on their skills.
The theme that creativity can be learned and developed is seen in repeated books. "Talent is Overrated" by Geoff Colvin and even "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell, which has a stretch on the 10,000 Hour Rule, come to mind. Unfortunately, at an early age, a lot of children are given the message that they either have "it" or they don't have "it."

It's a shame that message is given to kids, and that message also is mentioned in Brene Brown's book "Daring Greatly," where she focuses on the importance of vulnerability in leadership and in life. Perhaps due to many artists' insecure self-images, creative shaming — saying things like "you'll never be an actor" or "you just can't draw" — is common. Then, because the arts just isn't often valued in the U.S. of A., they walk away with that wrong and simplistic idea, and then they might never take the time to explore their arts side.

Apple has that omnipotent phrase "Think different." Might that phrase enable passivity? I say: "Do something different." Why not?

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Easter, fools and lost connections

Happy Easter! ... And Happy April Fools Day!

The last time Easter fell on April Fools Day was 1956. But let's add to the rarity of today because Valentine's Day also fell on the same day as Ash Wednesday. The last time that happened with Easter also on the fools day was 1945.

Hearts, ashes, fools and Jesus are aligned on the calendar, and does this mean anything? Are there any possible connections?

All converges today with the risen Christ, April Fools jokes and Dina, me and the girls being in Naples, Fla., to visit my in-laws. Also, I would like to brag and say that today will be the first day I will have a drink since Valentine's Day.

Yes, indeed, I gave up drinking for lent. Success! I feel better than ever. My God, that's 46 days without a drink. I physically feel better than ever, and I realize that I will not keep up my teetotaling ways. However, I was drinking craft beers like Doritos in the house. If they were there, I'd have them. It turns out that sparkling water and exercise are much more fulfilling than the IPAs.

I then was wondering why I was drinking so many IPAs. The basic reason: It was a bad habit. I would often have one while making dinner and one while eating dinner. That's two IPAs on a random Tuesday. Maybe that's not the worst thing in the world, but why did I need them?

The hardest day was the first Friday after Valentine's Day. I realized I was accustomed to "rewarding" myself with drinks after the work week in a potential workingman's homage to WMMS, the buzzard and its hard-rocking lineup of songs at 6 p.m. on a Friday. Then, I was thinking that, man, kids are bombarded with drinking ads, and college certainly has drinking omnipotent on campuses. There was more to giving up drinking than met my eye.

Then, I read a book, "Lost Connections" by Johann Hari, and I was thinking that the IPAs may have been replacing a lost connection for me. The book argues that the real causes of depression are more cultural and external than what the conventional thinking is with an individual's chemical imbalance.

I found the most interesting thing in the book being that the United States has one of the highest depression rates in the world, and the reason why is because Americans go about combatting depression as an individual problem. Many cultures view happiness as a collective mission. "If you're happy, I'm happy." In the U.S., we tend to think we're the only ones with the problem. "I better go see my doctor, get some meds and take care of this. Shh. No one needs to know about this."
According to "Lost Connections," the lost connections that lead to depression are a disconnection from 1) meaningful work, 2) other people, 3) meaningful values, 4) childhood trauma, 5) status and respect, 6) nature and 7) a hopeful and secure future.

I'm not depressed, but I think about myself and wonder where I can connect more to have a fuller life. I also fully understand the irony of cell phones and personal technology, how the appearance of being more connected through that stuff is only an appearance. I also wonder about so many people I run across who just aren't feeling that great. What is the lost connection that they crave? How can they reconnect?

As I return to today being Easter, I realize that Easter isn't what it used to be — in my mind. I used to equate it close to Christmas and Thanksgiving as a holiday. In fact, I remember someone in my Catholic upbringing saying, "Easter is the most important holiday to a Catholic!"

Nowadays, what I like most about Easter is the idea of hope. There is hope. We can reconnect. We can have meaningful work, healthy relationships that matter, meaningful values and a bright future.

We can also make jokes on April Fools Day, get a Whoopee Cushion and blame that sound on grandma. We can celebrate Easter, eat some ham and reconnect in any way we want. Ironically, I'm probably going to reconnect with an IPA, my fake friend I used to know who, quite frankly, is only good in small doses.

I am hopeful that I will stay in the social drinking zone and not ever feel the need to drink to excess. Heck, maybe that's just what my 44-year-old body is telling me.

Forget it, forget it, forget it.
I don't understand how a heart is a spade.
But somehow the vital connection is made.






Thursday, March 1, 2018

Chewbacca collection: Alive and grunting!

"You can easily judge a man by his Chewbacca collection," said no one ever.

However, I must say I often feel judged when people realize I have a glorious Chewbacca collection that consists of:

12 tall Chewies
20 action figures
seven small Chewies (smaller than action figures)
seven extremely tiny Chewies
a pen
a pin
a pill case
two Christmas ornaments
a porcelain Chewie
windup Chewie
Mr. Potato Head Chewie
alarm clock
two porcelain mugs
bottle opener
large Lego Chewie
large Pez Chewie
Pez Chewie
five bobbleheads
Plastic Chewie head
Chewie flashlight
two mid-sized Chewies
Fozzie Bear Chewie
Chewie case
Metal sign
Lunch box
Chess piece
That makes 75 Chewies in the collection on display. That's a lot of Chewies.

But I must report that I put away several pieces for space and style purposes. I put away eight plush Chewies (small to large), a large plush Angry Bird Chewie, slippers, iPad case, iPhone case, two golf head covers, plush notebook, Frisbee, two pieces of art and wall clock. Oh, and Paul and Brenda gave Dina and me a Chewie candy dish. That's in use — in our kitchen.

In addition, there was a repeat of one of the large Chewies, and a piece of art broke when I moved. So, there really are 20 additional pieces in the permanent collection that are not on display, and so the count of Chewbaccas is at 95, up from 41 in 2011 and 16 in 2010.

"Wow, you must really like Chewbacca." That's a line I hear frequently, and while I do like Chewie, I'm not exactly obsessed with the Wookiee, or so I say. For me, it's my snakeskin jacket. It represents a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Prisons, tents and all of us

I'm a white boy from Cleveland.

Because of that lucky demographic, my father happened to be an attorney. I am an educator. I have never even stepped foot into a state penitentiary.

But I have taught in and examined lower socioeconomic communities and was completely moved, changed and inspired by Michelle Alexander's 2010 enormously important book "The New Jim Crow."

No matter how it is spun, the United States is facing a societal crisis when it comes to the prison system. A systemic problem persists with heavily incarcerating poorer Americans, and especially Americans of color. The prison system certainly is a way of systemic control and is indeed the new Jim Crow.

It turns out that the United States is the most incarcerated society per capita in the history of civilization. We have 2.3 million prisoners in the country, and that would be the fourth largest city in the country.

1. New York City — 8.5 million
2. Los Angeles — 3.9 million
3. Chicago — 2.7 million
4. U.S. Prison System — 2.3 million
5. Houston — 2.2 million

These statistics help break down what is happening. One-fifth of prisoners are there for non-violent drug offenses. Approximately 39 percent of prisoners are black, while only 13 percent of the population is black. For a lot of us, this is old news, but why does this persist? And why in the world is a discussion the prison system difficult or frequently nonexistent?
I certainly do not have many answers on how to reform our prisons, but I do know that understanding the skewed statistics, understanding that we spend $32,000 each year on each prisoner and understanding that change is absolutely necessary is a start.

The elephant in the room is economics — lack of economic opportunity for people of color in the prison system and Americans in general. The homeless population continues to rise as well, and I say the statistics on that is sketchy.

We have 565,000 counted as homeless in America, but some estimate that the number could actually be 10 million if we take into account people not owning or renting their own homes. Regardless, even if we take that number, the homeless population would constitute the 32nd biggest city in America.

29. Portland — 583,776
30. Las Vegas — 583,756
31. Oklahoma City — 579,999
32. The Homeless — 565,000
33. Albuquerque — 545,852

I find it interesting that we look at prisoners and the homeless as individual problems as opposed to societal problems. I believe some have the thinking: "I bust my ass, working 40 hours a week at a job I hate. Why can't they?"
Well, understanding the full social context of someone who is homeless or in prison helps. It also helps to understand the lack of affordable housing in many cities as well as the lack of skills and abilities to get, and maintain, jobs.

The economic system, and lack of reasonable opportunities, is the top reason why the numbers are so high and why these issues are so major. But perhaps the secondary reason is education.

In many professions, as we all know, education is connected to employment. Nationwide, the graduation rate for high school is 83 percent. That's actually higher than it's ever been.

However, the real problem could be the curriculum in schools and some cliche narratives being overly repeated. If the schools are a steppingstone to a job, or career, then why don't more courses in both high school and college reflect that? (As a side note: I do not personally see education as a steppingstone to a job/career. I see it as education for education sake for the improvement of humanity, and I highly recommend Fareed Zakaria's "In Defense of a Liberal Education.")

Is it truly possible for everyone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps? What if that person's father was in prison for life? What if that person spent ages 18-21 in prison for a nonviolent drug charge? What if that person is a child who is homeless?

I certainly don't have many answers, but I do have questions. The one thing I do know is we are connected. We are connected to our incarcerated brethren and our homeless brethren. Brothers and sisters, we all are.



Monday, January 1, 2018

Once a Catholic, always a Catholic?

"Once a Catholic, always a Catholic."

That's a phrase my close friend and spiritual advisor, the Reverend Gutierrez, has told me. He's a Catholic originally from Nicaragua; I'm a Catholic from Garfield Heights, Ohio.

Even though I do not necessarily identify with the Church, it would be silly to think that my Catholic upbringing didn't have some sort of impact with who I am today. Heck, it would be silly to think that Catholicism has not had an enormous impact on American life today and much of the world.

I've been told "never discuss religion or politics." I believe that statement assumes the conversationalists to be either closed-minded, insecure or afraid of being challenged. I also believe that statement may assume that the search for truth does not evolve, does not develop or is cut and dried. I am not talking about facts, such as empirical science or verified journalistic reporting. Rather, I'm talking about our perception of truth.

That's why my experience with Catholicism — and perhaps many in my demographic and generation — is at least slightly scary. As a youngster, I took a lot of teaching as "truth," and it took me many years to sort out Catholic teaching from truth from arbitrary Catholic rules.

Somehow, at the same time, I always took Catholicism with a grain of salt — as early as second grade. I remember walking down the aisle to my first communion laughing uncontrollably and hysterically. I believe my cousins did something funny, and I just couldn't stop the giggles. Luckily, I was not scolded by a priest or nun!

Soon in elementary school, I challenged my father, the XMan, on why in the world we had to go to Church because we disagreed with some logic of the Church and its overall lack of social progress. He had the best answer of all-time: "Of course. I completely agree with you. But this is something we do as a family activity."

Nowadays, this former altar boy is doing different family activities with his wife and daughters. Perhaps our best activity is when we are all in different rooms looking at different screens!
But I joke. We do many family activities together, but Church is not one of them. Through years of anecdotal evidence, I have discovered that with about 95 percent of the people I meet, the child's faith is determined by the mom. The girls' mom did not feel strongly about a religion, and I certainly don't feel strongly enough about Catholicism to push that cart.

What am I? My Uncle Steve once mentioned the term "secular humanist," and I believe that is what I would have to say if some sort of religious definition is necessary. However, when pushed to give a religion, another answer is "I dunno. I'm an ethical human being."

I am limited as a human being with my relationship to the spiritual world. I sense something is there, maybe, or not. But the conventional ideas of heaven and hell, granting human beings eternity for choosing to believe, does not jibe with me. Heaven, I believe, can be found on earth.

"Every cop's a criminal and all the sinners saints." How much of sin is a choice? Is sin judged differently based on different situations? I remember getting extremely rudimentary and simplistic views of morality through Catechism while a massive cover-up of abuse and rape was occurring worldwide.

This is an extremely horrific and hypocritical pill for any ethical human being to swallow. I see that many practicing Catholics, and the Church itself, minimizes what happened. At least the 2015 film "Spotlight" brought the horrid situation in Boston more into the public eye.
I guess I've always been more interested in ethics and morality than religion. Perhaps what I don't buy in Catholicism is the root philosophy that man is evil. I simply do not believe that; man is good. Am I reading into the philosophy? Then, why does the Church say infants are born with original sin? Why does it have third graders go to confession and say penance? And what exactly constitutes an impure thought?

Perhaps the abuse and rape by the Church is understandable from its perspective because, after all, man is evil. I see this root philosophy — that man is evil — enforced, over and over again, and it came from Pope Francis yet again yesterday.

In a New Year's Eve service in St. Peter's Basilica, he said that God had provided a good year in 2017, but "we humans in so many ways ruined and hurt it with works of death, with lies and injustices."

Two questions on that statement: 1) Could you please be more specific on these lies and injustices? 2) Any chance we could celebrate a human being's charity or act of kindness and focus on that?

Hey, man, go to Church if that's your thing — especially if it makes you a more ethical human being. I might join you, too, now and again. I am not going to judge, like Bill Maher. I'm not smarter or better than you. I can kind of, on some level, make it kind of work. Maybe. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic.