Thursday, November 1, 2018

We are all 50 now

We're all 50 now.

I find a bit of freedom with turning 50. I can finally be an adult. Make no mistake about it. I am a seasoned vet and feel free to come to me if you're looking for wisdom.

An unexpected byproduct of October 2018 is that I have vicariously turned 50. Now, I know my birth certificate says I was born in 1973, but I don't care. I'm 50!

Cue former Saturday Night Liver Molly Shannon, who happens to be from Cleveland and whom I bumped into once outside a Rite Aid in Larchmont Village with her daughter. I'm 50!

It happened so fast. Youth, where have you gone?

Earlier in the month, I realized a coworker was turning 50, and to me, that's a cause for celebration — or at least something. We did a cake and sang, even though we're avant garde English teachers and normally don't do that type of thing. We are too cool for this as we await the cultural revolution and a nationwide return to poetry. Presumably, that would happen at Wal-Mart.

A week after, I realized my long-time Press-Telegram comrade Don Jergler was turning 50. I went to Don's wedding nine years ago and his baby's shower, and I've had many cocktails with him over the years. But the only thought I had was, "Oh, wow, Don's fifty?!?"

Then, in my world, the biggest 50 of them all came on Oct. 25, when my brother officially turned it. Wonderful, and incredible, Judi threw a surprise party for him previous week, and I flew into Cleveland to surprise him, somehow wrestle the microphone from him and give him several male embraces. Holy, moly, we're all 50.

If that weren't enough, on the next day, my wife's cousin's wife (got that?) turned 50, and we like her quite I bit. We went to her wedding a few years ago in Minnesota and her to ours. How much more evidence do we need? We're all 50!
Due to society's conventions, I am not allowed to discuss a woman's age and/or weight, and I will not do that with my beloved Dina. However, if I'm 50, she's 50. We're all 50 now.

I feel a sense of freedom to turn this age. I'm still working, but, honestly, retirement isn't too far off. In 15 years, I'll have Medicare. Yes! Also, I may just stay stuck at 50 for the next 10 years and then jump to 60. Why be so picky with all of these other years?

People say things like, "Age is a state of mind" or "You're only as old as you feel." I guess, but why is it so wrong to be a little bit older and be 50? Why do I have to hide this?

During the first year of this blog, back on New Year's Eve 2009, I felt old when Replacements frontman Paul Westerberg turned 50. I was surprised he was hitting that age and was living a bit of a suburban life at the time. I used to think "We are the sons of no one, bastards of young!" Well, that would make us young, too, then. Right?

There certainly is a double standard with being a 50-year-old sophisticated gentleman as opposed to a 50-year-old woman. That's absolutely unfortunate, but I do know that I am excited to enter my fifth decade. I hope to keep aging with grace.

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