Monday, November 29, 2010

'Turkey chic' replaces heroin chic

The popular 1990s style heroin chic has been replaced by "turkey chic," the Snooze Button Generation has learned from a shopping trip in Costa Mesa, Calif.

During a voyage to the shopping mega-plex South Coast Plaza, I noticed that shoppers were not very stylish. Instead, they seemed overweight, or "turkey chic." Granted, this trip happened during Thanksgiving weekend, and many may have been bloated from feasts.

However, there is a good chance that many people were going for that plump "turkey chic" look. I found it to be an average look, not even close to as sexy as heroin chic. Some people went for the look half-heartedly with big bellies and fat asses. I say if you go turkey chic, you might as well sweat butter.With Kate Moss and Vincent Gallo leading the way in early '90s Calvin Klein commercials, heroin chic should go down as one of the coolest looks of the 20th century. It was austere and rock 'n' roll, real yet make-believe. It was good fashion, if you ask me.

A lot of people who didn't get the look assumed it was glamorizing drugs, but I'm not so sure about that. Most supermodels are freaks of nature. At least heroin chic photos didn't try to make the models appear "real."

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Coolio: Brilliant master chef

As much of America soon will focus on Thanksgiving and turkey preparation, many amateur chefs might be unsure how to deliver a feast. Well, The Snooze Button Generation has one word to help those chefs: Coolio.

The rap star made a drastic career change last year when he released a cookbook, "Cookin' with Coolio." The book is flat-out hilarious and boasts the following quotes:

"[My mom's] fried chicken would literally put on tennis shoes and run the fuck into your mouth."

"This dish ain't just called Karate Meat because it's got an Asian kick to it. It's called Karate Meat because it will beat you up like a pigeon in prison."

"Hell, when I was growing up, I could make a meal out of a package of Top Ramen and a bottle of Windex."

Dang, Coolio, that's some funny stuff!Some celebrities don't know how to make proper career changes. Time is a factor for the success of many singers, actors and entertainers, and they have to accept that.

As a child, I remember seeing the comedy of Jerry Lewis and being totally baffled and stone-faced as I watched. His act was outdated, and it simply didn't work for me.

Not too long ago, I saw Robin Williams on a talk show. He presented himself in an over-the-top way that I used to find pee-in-the-pants hilarious. Ten years later, though, I watched him and his hairy arms and hardly smiled. He could learn from Coolio.

Most rappers just fade away or get killed. I know no other rap sensation with a cookbook. Coolio, the "Ghetto Gourmet," made one of the coolest career moves I've ever seen.

Monday, November 15, 2010

'C*** Talk' will never exist - thank God

As I try to figure out the differences between men and women, "The Vagina Monologues" comes to mind.

Apparently, "The Vagina Monologues" is a play in which women talk about their private parts. As a man, I find this curious. I suppose there could be a successful play about the "who-ha," but I find no male equivalent.

There will never be a "C*** Talk" or "D*** Discussion" because men simply are not interested in such a play. Men also don't go to plays that much. We prefer to play fantasy football, drink beer and pretend to fix things.

As I reflect upon the wonderment in the fact that "The Vagina Monologues" has no male equivalent, the TV show "The Man Show" comes to mind. Perhaps that was the closest equivalent to "C*** Talk." Egads!I never really liked "The Man Show" and found it Neanderthal-like. I am not a wussy, but something about the show just didn't work. It was trying to be a parody, but I am not certain its followers got that and reveled in its sexism.

Of course, obvious differences exist between men and women. The frequency of decorating fingernails, the love of yogurt and chest hair come to mind. At the root of it all, the lack of "C*** Talk" says it all.

Monday, November 8, 2010

'Making it rain' can be a tough call

I faced a tough decision the other day. I found myself in O'Connell's Cocktails in Long Beach, Calif., with a festive atmosphere consuming me and the patrons.

As I looked in my wallet, I noticed I had six singles - I rarely have that many singles. The major question I faced was this: Should I make it rain?

Although "making it rain" typically occurs at gentleman's clubs, when classy men shower dancers with money, I figured O'Connell's could provide a proper setting for me making it rain. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that making it rain with money hardly ever is a smart idea.

A few years ago, NFL troublemaker Adam "Pac-Man" Jones attended Minxx, an exotic dancing club in Las Vegas, where he told police he brought $100,000. He had at least $40,000 in singles in the club. Pac-Man appeared to have a solid plan - make it rain.

Unfortunately, trouble for Pac-Man ensued because he became upset when dancers picked up the singles after he made it rain. He preferred the ladies dancing on the singles and allegedly grabbed a dancer by the hair and slammed her head on the stage. A shooting then took place outside the club, and someone was paralyzed.As I sat in O'Connell's with my six singles, I thought, "There will never be a better time to make it rain than now."

I stared at my singles but just couldn't shower my friend, Paul, with them. Instead, I told him I was running out of cash and probably wouldn't be having any more beers.

Life can be filled with regret if you let it to be. Still, what if I never find myself with such an abundance of singles again?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Nerf H-O-R-S-E games transcend this world

The more I learn about Nerf balls, the more I question the human race.

As a lad growing up in Cleveland, Nerf balls were a part of my everyday existence. The foam football was fabulous and the basketball - forget it about! I'd play H-O-R-S-E and have slam dunk contests with friends and family. Sometimes, Nerf H-O-R-S-E games transcended this world.

Who didn't love Nerf balls?

As I recently reminisced about Nerf balls, I realized that I hardly see them any more, and I was wondering why. After doing some extensive Internet research, I learned that the Nerf company took a drastic turn in the 1990s. Instead of marketing their cushy, lovable balls, the company focused on selling NERF guns and killing devices.The Nerf company is now about guns and rockets and crap like that. The company went awry and even chose an equally horrid slogan - "It's Nerf or nothing!"

I have toyed with the idea of embracing the new Nerf world. Maybe I'd get a couple Nerf guns and blast the XMan. But, no, when given the choice of "Nerf or nothing," I choose nothing.

But that doesn't mean I still don't fondly remember my slam-dunk contests and super-human H-O-R-S-E games.

"OK, this one, you got to bounce it off the floor, then bank it in off the ceiling. Lefty."