As a teacher and a parent, I have been astounded by the behavior I've seen from parents. I've learned not to judge, and I don't want to come across as a "know-it-all" with parenting. After all, parenting is a perpetual work in progress. Right?
I have one guiding phrase that helps me: The point of parenting is to help your child achieve emotional gratification.
Now, that's easier said than done. But with that guiding principle, stressing the importance of self-worth, empathy, kindness, adapting and problem solving are all a part of it.
Unfortunately, many of my fellow Gen Xers have fallen victim to the parenting of the day. They've been helicopter parents or bulldozer parents, and they think that's how it should be because that's what's happening around them.
Well, thank God for Julie Lythcott-Haims and How to Raise an Adult (2015). In a United States of parenting and college admittance gone awry, Lythcott-Haims has provided parents a must-read, especially for ones with college in the future. She put into words experiences that I wholeheartedly relate to, and How to Raise an Adult is my favorite parenting book. It's a perfect pick to kick off the parenting section of 100 Nonfiction Books I Recommend.
Lythcott-Haims is a former dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising at Stanford University. What she noticed is that many parents would stay on campus as school started and would approach campus officials if there were any problem with schedules. The parents were fighting the kids' battles at college, and that is unheard for this Gen Xer. Our parents didn't do that stuff, and we thank them for that.
Teaching at an academically prestigious school, I see similar things as Lythcott-Haims. The point of parenting I see at my school is more concerned about "success" or "getting into a good college," as opposed to helping develop the individual and life skills. Many kids nowadays are taught to develop their transcript and not themselves.
As a parent, I've often pondered how much influence I have with my daughters, or even with my students. I believe the unspoken, subconscious lessons may be greater than the explicit ones. How I behave and my actions likely are more important than any "secret of life" lesson I espouse.
Shortly after How to Raise an Adult came out, I wrote about it here and identified myself as a reformed helicopter parent. I would like to report that the world has responded to Lythcott-Haims' book and similar criticism of modern-day life and parenting, but I still see repeated red flags from parents of behavior that is detrimental to kids.
The irony of parenting is that we try to prepare our children for the world we had. However, the world is evolving, and our children face much different issues and difficulties than we did. I believe we have to understand that a "one size fits all" parenting approach only works for one size and that some fundamentals like physical health, emotional health and social health are the foundation of parenting and personhood.
Sadly, Lythcott-Haims and I have seen that "being successful" often replaces health, and many parents unwittingly perpetuate an unhealthy society.
Category one is done for 100 Nonfiction Books I Recommend. It was "big time and deserving."
Here is a recap of the authors and books recommended:
1. Outliers (2008) by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Daring Greatly (2012) by Brene Brown
3. The Year of Magical Thinking (2005) by Joan Didion
4. Thrive (2014) by Ariana Huffington
5. Tribe of Mentors (2017) by Tim Ferris
6. Leaders Eat Last (2014) by Simon Sinek
7. Option B (2017) by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant
8. The Creative Habit (2003) by Twyla Tharp
9. On Writing (2000) by Stephen King
10. A Curious Mind (2015) by Brian Grazer with Charles Fishman
These are some famous authors. I feel that Joan Didion and Stephen King may be on a whole other plane than the others in the literary world, but Outliers has been on the New York Times nonfiction list for 282 weeks now and is No. 5 in nonfiction paperback. That's five and half years and amazing.
Two unexpected takeaways from this project so far: It's getting far fewer page visits than my typical posts. By the way, there have been past posts that garnered A LOT of hits. Perhaps the subject matter lessens the audience, but so be it. I love doing this, and I shall keep with it.
Another thing I realize is that these writers are all white people, although Gladwell's mother is Jamaican. The white-heavy list raises an eyebrow with me, but at least I'm aware of this. Well, the next category "parenting" has much more diversity. Enjoy!
The final nonfiction recommendation in the category of "Big and Deserving" is a curious selection — to say the least.
It's A Curious Mind by Brian Grazer and Charles Fishman. Grazer is a famous Hollywood producer, best known for teaming with Ron Howard, and for producing A Beautiful Mind, Splash, Apollo 13 and other blockbusters.
The thesis to A Curious Mind (2015) is that it is curiosity that has helped Grazer grow, and that has been the secret to his success. He has engaged in countless "curiosity conversations" with a veritable who's who of power in the Hollywood scene and outside of it.
I typically won't be too picayune with flaws of the books on this list, but for this one, I want to make a disclaimer that 1) the book repeated its thesis so much that it became annoying, and 2) I believe there should be more to the thesis.
While I absolutely love the message on curiosity and that's a major reason why it is a quality book, it is Grazer's boldness and audacity that may impress me more than his curiosity. When he was a mere messenger starting out in the business, he would insist on having his curiosity conversations with extremely powerful Hollywood people. Guts!
Grazer continues to have "curiosity conversations" with some of the world's most powerful figures, and because he is powerful in his own right, these figures indulge him. The conversations themselves are indeed curious and interesting, and because the moguls in the book are so significant, I found the lessons from the conversations worthwhile.
I have always known that the entertainment industry is one of the most difficult, dog-eat-dog industries in the world. As soon as I arrived in L.A., a friend said, "Remember. L.A. is a city of vacuous pursuits."
I couldn't agree more. For who I am, I'm not sure I could handle a career in the entertainment industry. I couldn't deal with the politics, the difficulties, the obstacles. And for what? To write a killer script, only to have it never sold or finally sold and reworked beyond my control.
So I had my own curious mind, when reading Grazer's "Curious Mind," and I realized that he defied major odds to become such a major producer and figure. He started by, boom, walking into big-time producer Lew Wasserman's office and picking his brain with how to be a producer. Wasserman called him out on being full of it, and Grazer figured out he'd have to come up with his own film — "Splash" — to break into the world of producing.
If anything, I like that Grazer's book isn't a narrative on his odds-beating success. Rather, it focuses on the secret to his success — curiosity.
I'm not a ginormous Stephen King fan, but I do respect the guy. I must say that The Shining, Cujo, Christine, Misery and much more are deserving parts of American pop culture.
In academia, I often felt King deserved more credit than he got because he didn't get the props he deserved in the academic world. Heck, perhaps those on the tenure track were upset because they found themselves unpublished and living in places like Kirksville, Mo., while King raked in tens of millions of dollars.
As a writer, I must say that On Writing (2000) by Stephen King is a masterpiece. It's the book on writing that I relate to the most because writing, to me, is not all about divine inspiration. It's more about developing writing habits, keeping things clear and building upon that.
Maybe writing is like a golf swing. Yes, in golf, it's cool to learn how to hook and draw the ball and know how to go over, under or around trees. But more times than not, it is the basics that matter the most, and if we try to get too tricky, we know it's going to be a shank.
What I love most about On Writing is that it exposes truth. To be as prolific as Stephen King, one must commit to the craft, big time, and set up a world around him that allows him to be him. The ins and outs of the craft are focused upon, rather than a paralysis by analysis reasoning of who we writers are.
We know enough about ourselves. Yes, I'll introspect. But I don't want to introspect too long so I, say, miss the Tribe game.
Why do we write? Well, the next question is "Why do we breathe?" At a certain point, writing becomes an inherent part of ourselves, and it has been an absolute pleasure that King graced the world with his methods and process.
On Writing goes beyond the nuts and bolts of just writing because he delves into his alcoholism, and his insights on that topic are superb. I think when writers believe they are touching the hand of God or exploring deep parts of their soul that force us to drink to excess. Drinking also is about masculinity, and at a certain age, we drinkers realize that our consumption was a lie and we unnecessarily messed with our livers.
So I appreciate Mr. King for opening up about his life and for pointing out how intimate a relationship that reading is. We sometimes explore our true issues through writing more than any other place. Right?
On Writing also took place during the time span in which King was in his horrific accident that nearly killed him. He describes what happened, his excruciating recovery and the realities of nearly dying. Stephen King has written 88 books, and if he just did On Writing, that alone would have been meaningful enough.
One thing that boggles my mind is how our American society treats artists. We devalue them. We shun them. We make fun of them. We shame them until they stop it with the art.
As early as, say, 9 years old, we tell them, "Well, you better figure out how you're going to make money, too."
No wonder we get the movies we have, the bombardment of advertising and way less art in our lives than we should have. American art remains in the margins because being an artist is counterculture to our consume-heavy, money-making mainstream culture.
As a teacher, I just don't see how schools cultivate artists. Music and art typically are the first programs cut, and many adults tell me that science and math are more important than art. Is that right? Why is that? Are you sure?
I firmly believe that most kids mistakenly learn that art and the humanities are superficial, non-lucrative pursuits to be dismissed. So well then, OK, they shun the arts and become unimaginative workers.
It turns out that I'm a workhorse when it comes to writing, and I have a problem with a lot of the literature out there that explores inspiration, creativity and the craft of writing. With that said, I know of no better, or more accurate, book on creativity than Twyla Tharp's The Creative Habit (2003).
Blown away. I was blown away (figuratively) when I first read The Creative Habit because it correctly explained creativity in more depth, and more clearly, than I had ever seen. Creativity is no lightening bolt sent from the heavens to lucky ones wearing berets. No, no, creativity, like anything else, is a skill that can be developed with the proper attention and practice.
Twyla Tharp cultivated her creativity through dance and choreography. I've done it in with writing, and others do it in their select fields. However, most remain out of the arena of creativity because of misconceptions on what it actually is and the fixed mindset of conditioning of "I'm not creative." ... Poppycock!
One aspect of The Creative Habit I found particularly enlightening was Tharp's relationship with Billy Joel, who worked with her on the Broadway show Movin' Out. Billy Joel considers himself a plumber of songwriting, and I love that terminology because for those of us who actually do write, I feel that we are plumbers, too. It's how it is.
I also love Tharp's daily schedule, waking up in the wee hours every day to work out and put her on a path to creativity. She trumpeted the importance of investing in one's self and being committed, but not acting out of obligation. Some people like the idea of being an artist, more than the art itself. Well, that's good information, and a sign for them to find a different art or something in which they are passionate.
I would argue that what keeps artists perceived as elite is not the nature of what they do, but the fact that so few of them actually put in the time commitment to become experts in their art. Without financial gain looming, many would-be artists don't even try, and I think that's a shame because our society would be better with more music, art, dance, sculpture and expression. I just wish with that stuff was part of our daily habits.
Sheryl Sandberg and I have something in common. We both lost loved ones unexpectedly from heart attacks. She lost her husband at age 47. My dad, the XMan, was 63.
This was the type of thing that used to only happen to other people. Now, it was her, and it was me, my mom and family.
So when Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy was released in 2017, I jumped in on it and was not disappointed. Sandberg is an extremely powerful person, a billionaire who is the chief operating officer of Facebook. I found Sandberg's honesty and truth to be the strength of the book, which is a big-time title with 2.5 million copies sold.
I'm a fan of Adam Grant, too, and especially love this work because the raw emotion is an excellent balance for Grant's analysis. I've also read Give and Take (2013) and Originals (2016) by Grant and recommend them. Sandberg's Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead (2013) is also an enormously huge book of note.
For anyone who's had a sudden loss, Option B is excellent. Oddly, I read this book around the same time as a few others that served as a gateway to me understanding more about cognitive behavioral theory (CBT).
I believe that when we mourn, our thoughts shift. For me, my thoughts became acutely negative, and once I realized that they were not reality, that they were a slanted take on the world, I soon was on the path to healing. In a sense, Option B is in a similar vein as Ariana Huffington's Thrive. Here are two extremely powerful women, writing about humanity, and I say we can never have enough nonfiction on humanity in our modern world.
Just like Brene Brown, Simon Sinek boasts one of the most watched TEDx talks in the history of the Interwebs.
Sinek also owns a viral video with him explaining our worldwide phone addiction. I couldn't agree with him more because, well, we're both Gen Xers, and we were born 12 days apart in 1973.
I, too, cannot stand how people treat their phones, or better stated, how they treat me while focusing on their phones.
Sinek, which is a cool last name because I think "cynic," has two main books that I have read — Leaders Eat Last (2014) and Start with Why (2009). I recommend both, but in particular, I found Leaders Eat Last especially helpful because of his exploration of the chemicals in our brain and how they relate to modern living.
The understanding of these chemicals helps a lot with understanding our own feelings and reactions. Cortisol, for example, is released when we experience fear or danger. However, in modern living, we are not actually in imminent danger like we were when we were cavemen. There is no tiger lurking in the distance. Rather, our mind sees a work slight, or issue, as a much greater threat than it actually is.
Dopamine is released when we feel love, and that often is mistakenly released when we get a text message or see your smart phone's screen. Sinek also delves into endorphins, serotonin and oxytocin and how these affect us in the workplace. He accomplishes more in Leaders Eat Last, but understanding these chemicals is a huge concept.
With the 100 Nonfiction Books I Recommend six authors into it and 94 to go, one thing I already have noticed is how they are all absolutely huge on the Interwebs. Although this first category of "Big and Deserve It" warrants that, it is not as if writers exist in vacuums anymore. However, the one thing I worry about is that some are now huge and then authors. I am not sure that type of system helps fresh, new voices.
One more thing to give it up about Simon Sinek is that his critiques often go hard with personal technology. Somehow, this topic is far less online than it should be. I guess when it comes to Big Tech, Google will not exactly have algorithms that help others question its power and omnipotence. At least Sinek has been critical of technology, and, ironically, it was technology that vaulted him into stardom.
I am unsure how I stumbled across Tim Ferriss. I picked up his Tribe of Mentors tome and thought, "well, here's another book that has gotten some hype and good luck living up to that."
Surprise!
Tribe of Mentors (2017) even surpassed the hype. At first I was a bit intimidated by the book's 624 pages, but I realized that with about 100 interviews with successful people from various industries, it was the fastest-turning, 600-page book I've ever read.
The book is a tour de force for two main reasons. 1) the questions Ferriss asks, and 2) the cross section of people interviewed.
Sure, there are some big-time celebrities interviewed, including Jimmy Fallon, Ashton Kutcher, Ben Stiller and Larry King, and those are fine. But most of the interviews consist of thought leaders, tech leaders, influencers and people who've done things differently.
One reoccurring theme that continually pops up is the importance of zigging when everyone else zags and how formal education usually has nothing to do with success in the real world. I might argue that sometimes a "successful" formal education even holds back individuals in the work place because of an over-reliance on following rules and a lack of creativity, adaptability, problem solving and engagement.
I found so many of Ferriss' interviews meaningful that it is difficult to single out specific ones because so many did for different reasons. Interviews with Naval Ravikant, Kristen Ulmer, Drew Houston, Steve Aoki and more come to mind. It was an absolutely brilliant tactic to ask the same 11 questions to the interviewees because they are critically important questions.
Simply asking books that leaders have given as gifts and ones that influenced their lives was huge in itself. Each question was meaningful, and my personal favorites were: "How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success? Do you have a 'favorite failure' of yours?"
"What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the 'real world'? What advice should they ignore?"
"What are bad recommendations you hear in your profession or area of expertise?"
Unbeknownst to me, Ferriss has an extremely popular podcast and is a successful angel investor in startups. My love for Tribe of Mentors had me go back and read his The 4-Hour Workweek, (2009, expanded version), which I also recommend. I also plan on going back and reading Tools of Titans (2016).
When I stumbled upon Tribe of Mentors, I felt vaguely embarrassed. How had I not know this guy existed? It was the same feeling I had when my wife's company helped put on a music festival in Long Beach in which Kaskade was the headliner. I had never heard of Kaskade and, just like with Ferriss, I realized that sometimes I miss stuff.
As a newspaper journalist from 1996-2008, I witnessed first-hand how the news industry shift. At first, the shift was heartbreaking.
Downsizing. Squeezing content. The blame game.
Eventually, it was pretty darn obvious that consumers could get breaking news online much quicker than waiting for the next day's newspaper. Now, that fact should be filed under the "no duh" category, but looking back on how the newspaper industry reacted, I'm not so sure it realized that or knew how to pivot.
To me, the Huffington Post was the first meaningful online only publication that had strong content and was ahead of its time. It came out in 2005, was the first digital media company to win a Pulitzer Prize in 2012. It's going strong globally today.
Heck, let's give Arianna Huffington some credit here. She indeed is a media mogul, but the major reason I respond to her is because of her two most recent books Thrive (2014) and The Sleep Revolution (2016).
What I like about Thrive is that it explores self-care in the modern age — from an unexpected source. Arianna Huffington is a major go-getter, and the fact that she has reflected on self-care and created an organization called Thrive Global on the issue is huge. It turns out that Baby Boomers and Gen Xers can actually learn from Millennials or Gen Zers. Maybe that's what happened with Arianna Huffington.
Huffington fell and broke her cheekbone, due to exhaustion and lack of sleep. She considers the first two metrics of success as money and power, and the third metric is our well-being. At least that's how I interpret calling our well-being the third metric. But shouldn't that be the first metric?
I agree with Huffington that a lot of young people devote their lives to a search for money and power. I also agree that this pursuit will be derailed without proper self-care. I don't, however, believe that money and power are worthwhile pursuits because I never see people talking about those on their deathbeds. But who am I? I'm just some guy who reads a lot and believes he makes the most of his 30,000 days on the planet.
OK, so, I may have some issues with Huffington's first two metrics and her swashbuckling and successful pursuit of money and power. Maybe, deep down, I'm jealous. But so what? She arrived at Thrive, and I wholeheartedly agree with the premise of the book.
A lot of Thrive focuses on how personal technology and being connected 24/7 stresses us. I believe that Baby Boomers and Gen Xers have more anxiety with personal technology than Millennials and Gen Zers. When you think about it, they probably do because they didn't have that technology at their fingertips their entire lives.
Thrive is a quality book from a big-time source, and I recommend it, big time.
When I first pondered the idea of "the greatest nonfiction writers of all-time," however myopic that may be, Truman Capote, Tom Wolfe and Joan Didion came to mind. By ushering the New Journalism, those three made an enormous impact on nonfiction and American culture.
As I thought about them, I realized that I had more of a respect for Capote and Wolfe and an actual love for Joan Didion. Having lived in California for the past 21 years, I don't believe any writer has gotten to the truth of California more than Ms. Didion. She deserves the accolades she receives.
One thing I have known about Californians is that many of them are miserable but are unaware of that. They treat themselves poorly. They treat others poorly. They can be unengaged and unfulfilled, but because there is constant sunshine, Californians pretend that "oh, they're fine."
Ms. Didion cut through that facade in her work so well that I completely respond. Slouching Towards Bethlehem was her first nonfiction collection published in 1968, and it is a tour de force. But y'know what really puts her work over the top is The Year of Magical Thinking from 2005.
The Year of Magical Thinking is an international bestseller on mourning, and to me, it just took Ms. Didion's work to another level. For lack of a better word, a lot of our American culture is SICK.
We revere rock stars like Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Amy Winehouse. They all died at 27. It's so weird to say, but, my God, they were babies.
Ms. Didion is "84 years young," and she was north of 70 when The Year of Magical Thinking was published. Shouldn't her path and life be more lauded than dead rock stars?
I believe she figured out a long time ago a simple tenet. Art exists to enhance life and not replace life. She blended art and life through her career. She is so significant and moving and deserves the accolades she receives.
I'd like to think that the Internet is a meritocracy, and that Brene Brown won "most viewed Ted talk" by merit alone. So, then, anyone with a truly meaningful Ted talk could easily go viral. ... Uh, good luck with that! I don't really know how the Internet algorithms work, but I thank them for helping Brene Brown become a superstar. I have a feeling that, one way or another, we have run across Brene Brown's work, and we love it. What is there not to love? Brene's Ted talks went viral in 2010. Today, she just keeps getting bigger with a Neflix special earlier this year and major exposure. What she preaches is counter to the trends we see today. Shame. Vulnerability. What it means to be whole-hearted. I love the depth of Brene Brown's words and work, and, I'll take her word for it — she has the research to back it up. Y'know, let me digress about qualitative vs. quantitative research. I often find that qualitative research is dismissed. I am not sure why. To me, to really go in depth and have a deeper understanding of human beings the much-revered quantitative research is limited by statistics. I hope the research world, in general, is thawing out about over-stressing numerical data above actual truth. Let's face it. The computers are either taking over or have taken over already in many ways of our lives. But that should free us up for better lives. Actual deeper understanding of our emotions and human traits should become much more of a premium as opposed to how to get a quality silk tie the fastest way. Just like the first entry of Malcolm Gladwell, I recommend the entire library of Brene Brown. If I had to pick one book, I'd go with Daring Greatly (2015), which gets its name from the famous "Man in the Arena" quote from Theodore Roosevelt.
Beware, though, many of the Brown's key themes are repeated throughout her books. I swear I saw exact passages repeated, but when a friend asked me which ones, I couldn't come up with them. So maybe I was just tripping on that, or they were just extremely similar. The point is that I do love Brene Brown, and I believe that I and others respond to her so much because she "goes beyond the number data." We need depth and understanding with vulnerability and shame. We need truth. We need deeper human understanding, and she has conveyed that in her work. She is unabashedly a Texan, and for her tough yet charming attitude, Stevie Ray Vaughn comes to mind.
Welcome to the nonfiction project! Perhaps it's only fitting that this project kicks off with Malcolm Gladwell, who has been a nonfiction superstar for at least a decade and was recognized on this blog as a superstar in 2010. Years later, the great thing about Gladwell is that his work stands the test of time. So Gladwell is the first of 100 nonfiction writers to be recommended by the Snooze Button Generation. Why?
I would argue that he is to nonfiction books as what the Real World was to reality TV. However, we're talking books and TV, and there is a real world of difference between the two mediums. In reality TV, it turns out that it is 100 percent scripted. "Reality TV" actually is a misnomer. It should be called "reality-style TV."
With nonfiction writing, yes, indeed, fiction-type of conventions have been used since Truman Capote's In Cold Blood, the New Journalism and some memoirs and essays from back in the day. But I credit Gladwell with pushing a new type of thoughtful, research-based, counterintuitive nonfiction into the mainstream.
I've read Gladwell's entire collection, and bully for us, his sixth book will be out in September called Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don't Know. He hasn't had a book out since 2013, so look out world, the market is ready for this. Talking to Strangers will be ginormous.
If you haven't read any of Gladwell's stuff, I say go straight to Outliers (2008), a tour de force. In it, we look at a boatload of counterintuitive concepts that ring true, including what it takes to be an expert and how in reality, circumstance trumps many cliche man vs. world notions of success. Gladwell has been killing it for two decades. I also recommend Tipping Point (2000) and Blink (2005) and really all of his work. Heck, I loved Outliers so much as did the reading public that I brought it into my AP Lang class for a year or two.
Because he talks about the Beatles in Outliers and because he's so significant, I got to compare him to the Beatles. In fact, it is safe to say that Malcolm Gladwell is the Beatles of modern-day nonfiction.
Uh, well, those are four of the 50 words or so that I know in Polish. Despite my sketchy lingual knowledge, I am 100 percent of Polish decent. All four of my grandparents spoke Polish, and they grew up in Slavic Village, the Polish part of Cleveland.
Then, their children didn't speak Polish, went to college, and we call them "Baby Boomers." I'm a Gen Xer, or what I call the Snooze Button Generation, and I am a writer in Los Angeles embarking on a project called 100 Nonfiction Books I Recommend that kicks off on Monday.
I'm doing this project because the nonfiction genre has blossomed in the past decade, and I read about 50 books per year. That does not count the 30 or so that I seriously consider reading but don't make the cut.
It's funny. Many friends and readers I run across tell me they don't like nonfiction, and that boggles my mind. I believe they have preconceived notions of what nonfiction is. They might think it's boring or historical or something of what it was back in the 1970s.
In the 21st century, nonfiction has exploded to become my favorite art form. Nonfiction books, more than any other medium, search hard for truth and for hard truths. Many other mediums look to entertain first or sell tickets first or have other agendas other than truth.
But here's the thing. Even while searching for this so-called "truth," they also can entertain, tantalize and thrill, and the 100 books that I will recommend in this project do that.
In the announcing of this project, I explained the 10 categories to be explored. They are:
1) Big time and deserving
2) Parenting
3) Personal growth
4) Comedy
5) Education
6) Social conscience
7) Hard to categorize
8) Sports
9) Leadership
10) Readers recommend. I will read recommendations during the project and come up with 10 favorites new to me. Feel free to contact me through a comment or email with your recommendations.
The categories themselves hint at my sensibilities. But there is more to it than that. For the most part, I want the books I read to help me in some way, to help me see the world in a new way, to explore ideas that need exploration. I don't often read to escape, but more to understand. I could see how the comedy and sports categories may appear escapist, but I like to think they're more than that.
The fact that I'm doing this 100 Nonfiction Books I Recommend project is a function of me being a writer. Reading is an integral part of writing, and these books have affected me. I have a draft finished of my first full-length book with the working title Advice to My Future Son-in-Law: Understanding Men and Relationships in the 21st Century and feel compelled to share about books I love. Let me take some time to explain how in the world I got to this point.
I have defined myself as a writer since high school, and I am now a 45-year-old sophisticated gentleman with 14 and 12-year-old daughters and a wife, who is my soulmate and best friend. I remain basically unknown, which is fine with me, although a few people I've met claim they know me from my journalism days.
In 1995, I graduated from Ohio State, wrote a couple stories in the Cleveland Plain Dealer and moved to New York City. I was 21 when I moved. The "logical" reason that got me there was to get a master's in creative writing. As soon as I got there, I met Kurt Vonnegut and was hired as a homework helper for his daughter.
Something about being in a creative writing program did not work for me. I did not define myself as "an artist." I was a writer. I needed to slug out the craft and get in the trenches somewhere to develop my writing. A poem or short story a week? No, that wasn't enough.
So, I transferred to NYU's graduate journalism program. Right off the bat, I knew I had some ferocity inside of me and that I actually wanted to write. I discovered that Newsday was the only internship through NYU's graduate school where the students actually wrote stories. I did everything I could to get that internship and did.
My first assignment at Newsday: Cover the funeral of a deceased sophomore in high school who was shot in a case of mistaken identity. I sheepishly walked to the parents after the funeral and said, "I'm Joe Stevens from Newsday. I'm doing a story about Darian. Do you have a quote or comment for the paper?"
The mother glared at me and said, "Would you have a quote? My son is dead. Put that in your paper. My son is dead."
Verbatim. That is the first quote that I ever put in any news story I covered.
Quickly, I realized that I preferred soft news. I spent two years as a staff writer at Newsday and then got a position covering the minor-league Long Beach Ice Dogs for the Long Beach Press-Telegarm.
That was a pretty cool first beat because hockey players are hard-working, easy-to-deal with Canadians (OK, they're not all Canadian, but it feels that way). The year I moved to L.A. was 1998, and I enjoyed the ride. I was covering pro sports, doing some other killer stories like this one on Charles Bukowski, but quickly, it was obvious that the print news industry was shrinking.
When we talk about putting in 10,000 hours of practice to be an expert, I have figured out that I am indeed an expert when it comes to writing. So, mission accomplished for my goal from 1995! However, I have lived a full life with the writing in the background, or maybe I lived a full life because writing was in the background.
My main beat at the Long Beach Press-Telegram became the Los Angeles Clippers, who I covered for seven seasons. One of my favorite parts of those seven seasons was writing a weekly NBA column, which I made feature-y and sometimes offbeat.
Here's one of those columns after a one-on-one sit-down with LeBron James during his fourth year with the Cavs. It turned out that later that season, the Cavs made it to the NBA Finals for the only time during his first seven seasons in Cleveland. What I find most interesting is his comments on not being a Cleveland sports fan, which evolved during his career.
I spent 10 years at the Press-Telegram, and that is way more than the guy who hired me predicted. He said, "I expect you to stay here two to three years and move on to something bigger."
That didn't happen, but it partly didn't happen because of my inflexibility to go to a smaller market. Why would I do that? I was in New York and L.A. Why would I go to a smaller market?
Eventually, I taught journalism part-time at USC and enjoyed that. I then moved to teaching high school shortly after my daughters arrived, mainly because it was the best profession I could think of for raising kids. I think I'm right. To me, education is all about growth as is parenting. I've taught for 11 years now as my daughters have thrived. I love this life. I read what I love and have managed my time well enough to be working on full-length books.
So the Snooze Button Generation came out in 2009, and I've been blogging ever since. It feels right to take this blog to the next level this summer with 100 Nonfiction Books I Recommend. I say to enjoy the ride of this blog. I know this Polack will.
I find it refreshing to talk about books. Sometimes, people react differently to them as me, and those perspectives give me a further understanding of what I read.
The only problem is that I don't often encounter people who've read the books I have. That's kind of a bummer.
It turns out that reading is one of the most worthwhile and humane acts that a human being can do. Y'know, "a reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads only lives one."
So, today, the Snooze Button Generation is announcing an ambitious project to celebrate the 10 years that this blog has lived called 100 Nonfiction Books I Recommend. Starting on Monday, July 15, we will do one post per day for 100 days and recommend 100 nonfiction books.
But, wait, there's more.
We will only recommend an author once, and this project is no b.s. There will be no recommending of books because "we feel like we need to." No, no, these will be 100 nonfiction books that I have read and vouch for. Honestly, all of them I absolutely, positively love. I recommend them all without reservations.
A disclaimer: Please don't be outraged if there are big-time, mega-important nonfiction books that don't make the list. I know that there are many books of significance that aren't on the list. It is no slight to them; I probably like them, too.
The 100 nonfiction books to be recommended are broken down into these 10 categories:
1) Big time and deserving
2) Parenting
3) Personal growth
4) Comedy
5) Education
6) Social conscience
7) Hard to categorize
8) Sports
9) Leadership
10) Readers recommend. I will read during the 100 days, and I will take on suggestions from readers. Recommend away by emailing me or posting a comment. How cool!
By the way, if you happen to know the famous authors in these black-and-white photos, please respond in a comment below.
I read about 50 books each year, and to be a book I read is a feat in itself because I do everything in my power not to waste my time on junk or even borderline reads. I seriously consider another 30 books per year to read and am picky of what makes the cut. I love idea-driven nonfiction. But the prose itself and storytelling has to keep me engaged, or it just doesn't work.
I've heard that good fiction is an "honest lie." Would good nonfiction be an honest truth?
Let me know what you recommend. If you have a nonfiction book you recommend, please post it as a comment or email me, and I will consider it. Typically, I read my books based on them being mentioned in books I love or I find them on Goodreads or the New York Times Book Review. But just like restaurants, music and anything, isn't word of mouth the best recommendation?
During the final 10 posts of this project, I will give a shout-out to whomever suggested that book on the list, and it would be awesome to find lesser-known books from up-and-coming authors that deserve attention. However, I won't turn my back on big-time stuff I need to read.
I am unsure if I have a pair of aces, a pair of eights or a 7 and 4 (eleven). Whatever the case, I am doubling down!
On Aug. 2, this blog will be celebrating its 10th year of existence. That has got to be some sort of feat because I hardly know any blogs that have been around that long. Do you?
To commemorate the 10 years of blogging and "double down," I am going to write 100 daily posts starting in mid-July. Cliffhanger: On July 1, we will release the theme of those posts.
Just like me, this blog has evolved and progressed and is getting better every day. First of all, if you don't understand the premise of the Snooze Button Generation, click here.
But it actually makes no difference if you understand what the Snooze Button Generation means to enjoy this. This blog is a free, humanistic endeavor, and that's all there is to it. It refuses to accept advertising money for views, and it is all about connecting readers and like-minded folk, all while displaying the evolution of my life and writing.
Within the life of the blog, it has gotten 1.1 million views. Statistically, it's more than 3,600 per post. While I enjoy having an audience, it's more about having a healthy, positive, timeless blog in a world with so much being chewed up, mean and forgotten within 24 hours. By the way, here is the analytics of the blog from yesterday:
I recently read a book about social media and how we owe it to our online world to promote helpful, positive efforts and ignore negativity and trolls and anything out solely to make money. The book used Humans of New York as something that fits the bill. And I do agree that HONY is wonderful, but after that, no other examples were given.
Do you know any websites that are positive, humanistic and timeless? Please leave links as comments below to sites that are enriching and don't just drain time.
For me, I consider Brain Pickings and TEDx Talks as humanistic online endeavors that aren't just out for commerce and to be forgotten. Beyond those sites, I would love to be exposed to more sites through word of mouth as opposed to what Google tells me I'd like.
I am hoping that this blog fits the list of "enriching" category, and I vow to make it that way this summer. With it moving into its 10th year of existence, it's time for that.
If you're new to the blog, the premise of the Snooze Button Generation was to look back nostalgically at the pop culture of Gen Xers. Within the first two years that it focused hard on this idea, I found it peculiar that key figures in this pop-culture pantheon passed away. That included John Hughes,Ken Ober from "Remote Control," Corey Haim and more.
We switch our colors depending on the situation and are so used to it that we don't even notice. On a typical morning, I transform from groomer to breakfast chef to diner to husband to father then driver and teacher.
Our roles constantly shift throughout the day. At times, I'm a teacher. Other times, I'm a friend or son or shopper or consumer or writer.
When I introspect, I realize that it took me a loooong time to even understand this concept. Then, once I did, it helped me prioritize and ponder what roles are most important to me.
It turns out that the most important commodities are time and money. In order to maximize those, and maximize our lives, prioritizing our roles is critical. How can we properly spend our time or money, if we don't know who we are and what is truly important to us?
Now, this sounds pretty darn simple. But then why do so many people waste time and money on things that aren't priorities?
For me, the roles I prioritize are: 1) husband, 2) father and 3) teacher (or writer, in the summer).
I am wondering what three roles are most important to you. I'm curious Please put your three roles as a comment below.
If you happen to be a student, I wonder if student is No. 1 on your list, or if son or daughter or brother or sister or athlete or Christian or anything else is actually ranked higher than student. If this is difficult, do a chart like this one:
The problem I see around me is that many adults view their roles as 1) work, 2) work and 3) work. I base that on where they spent their time and their conversations.
This work mentality develops in school when many students are either bombarded with work or are so focused on "being successful" or "getting into a good college" that they put their childhoods, family and friends far on the back burner. Is this what we really want from our children?
Well, I am not promoting neglecting schoolwork or our professions. Quite the contrary. I'm just questioning if our time is being spent where we want it.
I won't go on my typical rant on how the kids today are too much on their phones and often not aware of their screen time. I already did that here.
I could also go on a rant on how adults spend too much time with work, and I'm sure they would undoubtedly say work is important because they have to make ends meet. Agreed. But what is the point about making ends meet if that's all we have in our lives?
Editor's Note: This entry originally ran on Christmas Eve 2012. A close reader recently asked for the video at the end of the blog. Here it is!
From 1974 until 1988, my extended Stevens family had a tradition of reading "The Night Before Christmas" on every Christmas Eve. After we participated in what could best be described as a constant ripping and opening "gift orgy," we capped the night with the classic Christmas tale.
A total of 15 Stevens family members attended Christmas Eve during the stretch from '74 and '88, and each one read the book, starting with the oldest.
So my Grandpa Stevens read first when I was only 15 months old. I am the youngest of those 15 Stevens, so I read last in 1988 when I was a sophomore in high school.
I am not sure everyone feels this way. But for me, looking back, I had such comfort, excitement and good feelings during the holidays and on Christmas and Christmas Eve.
After we had Christmas Eve at my parents' house at 9911 Garfield Drive, Garfield Heights, Ohio, we opened presents on Christmas morning. We then had Christmas day at my maternal grandparents in Slavic Village, then Christmas evening at my paternal grandparents on Edgepark Drive in Garfield.
All of my grandparents have passed away with my Grandma Stevens the most recent to pass away in October 2010. Shortly, after that, my Stevens family turned topsy-turvy with pain and death as my dad, the XMan, unexpectedly passed away in February 2011. Then my Aunt Nancy Stevens was diagnosed with a brain tumor in August 2011 and passed away this March.
Only 11 of the original Stevens 15 remain, and despite conventional wisdom, the Stevens family is mortal. I am flooded with good memories from the great times the 15 of us shared during the holidays and engaged in our gift orgies.
I venture to say that all of us 11 - Uncle Ed, Sally, Ed Jr., Jen, Uncle Bob, Aunt Lynda, Rob, Melissa, my mom, Fred Jr. and me - share similar memories. We are adapting to our new lives, and if I ever truly need to hear "The Night Before Christmas," I will click on the video below.
One of my favorite scenes of all movies comes at the end of "The Candidate" (1972) with Robert Redford. Spoiler alert: After an entire movie about a seemingly unwinnable election, Redford's character wins the race.
With a throng of reporters approaching after the victory, Redford turns to his campaign manager and asks, "What do we do now?"
No answer. Bang. End of movie.
This type of moment pops up in life every so often for me. Now, I am experiencing that "what do we do now?" feeling because I have completed a full-length book and am figuring out the next step.
Today, I'm not going to talk too much about the book itself. Rather, I will explore the writing process itself and how I turned stories and ideas into a 60,000-word book.
First off, I feel a sense of accomplishment to have written a book that is needed, honest, useful and hopefully entertaining. Secondly, the creative process of committing to such a project enhanced my day-to-day life. Who knew that the collateral damage of writing so much would help other aspects of my life, too?
Some friends have asked, "How did you find the time?"
It turns out that time actually does exist to follow one's passion. For me, my writing passion trumps Netflix, social media, my phone and a lot of daily time killers that don't spark joy for me.
A major lesson is how creativity in my life is much more valuable than consumption. Man, we consume a lot, especially in the United States. I realized that I would often find myself in time-jacking Internet searches or YouTube warps or just watching whatever looked interesting on Netflix. Way too much time was wasted on that stuff.
My public service to readers today is to wonder if you experience mindless consumption like me and if it's possible to turn that into mindful consumption. I am wondering this: Are you OK with your usage of your phone, technology and your consumption, or do you feel you waste your free time too much on certain things? Please comment, and let me know where you are.
For me, writing the book brought out my waste-of-time demons. The main devils were social media, Words With Friends and texting. I deleted social media from my phone and stopped the Words game. I realized that checking texts morning, noon and night (that's three times per day) suffices.
It is wild what happens to the mind, and life, when personal time shifts. I experienced this awesome reboot type of feeling to not be tethered to my phone. It was freeing! But without social media, no phone games, less Netflix and texts, what was I to do?
I read even more (I already was reading about 40 books a year), spent more engaged time with my family and wrote the book, which I had never done. Somehow, other aspects of my life aligned, too. I work out consistently (twice a week, that's enough for me), and I feel more connected to family and friends. I've even experienced the power of deep breathing and Pandora Meditation Radio. What in the world is going on here?
I never committed to a full-length book previously because I over-thought the audience and publishing world and always found excuses to not do it. This time around, the book had to get out. In away, it wrote itself.
I fear that many of us just consume and don't create. We offer the fake excuse that "we don't have time." That way of thinking undoubtedly will lead to frustration, unfulfillment and emptiness. To create is to be human.
As a teacher, I often roll my eyes because creativity isn't explored as much as it should. Isn't understanding and cultivating creativity a crucial component of education? In her Nobel Prize acceptance speech, Pearl S. Buck talked about how creativity makes one's senses more alert and life more profound. It produces a "heightened activity of every cell of his being, which sweeps not only himself, but all human life about him."
Nowadays, many low-level capitalists devalue creativity because they don't see it as profitable or marketable. Plus, in the era of Amazon, Netflix and the "smart" phone, there is so much out there to consume that it is easy to forget about creativity and just consume, consume and consume.
So even though I'm wondering "what do we do know?" with a finished book, I know the answer. I'm moving on to book two. OK, sure, I'll write a book proposal and get the first one into print. I just know that the journey of creating something out of nothing is magic, and I believe magic bounces all around us. As I write this, I am hearing it in the form of my daughter singing and composing a song on the piano in the background.
Heck, it doesn't have to be writing a book or composing music. But my advice to anyone is to add a creative endeavor to your life and see what happens.
The Joker Mask. The Aggressor Mask. The Athlete Mask. The Know-It-All Mask.
These are four of the nine masks that Lewis Howes describes in his important book The Mask of Masculinity. I recommend the book to all, especially males, and I recommend the documentary The Mask You Live In by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the wife of California Governor Gavin Newsom.
Masculinity is an under-discussed, under-examined topic in the United States, and twisted masculinity norms are the root of numerous societal problems. I ask our readers today to be open-minded as we briefly contemplate masculinity in 2019.
First off, examinations of masculinity often are confined to college campuses in gender studies courses. I would vote for gender studies and discussions of masculinity as early as elementary school.
Other reasons why I believe masculinity isn't pondered is that 1) masculinity is so fragile, that any discussion threatens males, and 2) women's issues garner more attention because of the covert and overt sexism in our systemically troubled nation. However, upon further examination, men's and women's issues are inextricably linked.
Now, I am no particular expert of gender studies. But I have written a book with the working title Advice to My Future Son-in-Law: Understanding Men and Relationships in the 21st Century. I quickly realized that an examination of masculinity was critical to the book's focus on marriage.
The "man box" is an important concept that I see as a first step with understanding modern masculinity. The man box shows the limitations of what a man is supposed to be and what he believes. In the man box, men "are supposed to be powerful and dominating, fearless and in control, strong and emotionless and successful in the boardroom, bedroom and on the ball field," as is explained by the organization A Call to Men.
In the film The Mask You Live In, we see that boys put on a masculine mask, which is not what any human being can or should be. The masks enable violence and the dehumanization of women and the self. As the boy wears a particular mask, he contorts his true self to fit the mask.
In the introduction in his 2017 book, Howes gives credit to The Mask You Live In (2015) to spurring his own study on masculinity. What I respond to most in Howes' book is his distinctions of different masks. One mask does not fit all. I see men who obviously wear the Stoic Mask or Invincible Mask. But I see others who wear the Material Mask, or finding one's self-worth through money and work.
Once the truths of masculinity are accepted in males, I see the next step as "reclaiming emotions." This is not easy for many reasons. Many guys are used to stifling emotions or replacing all emotions with what they see as socially acceptable emotions for a man, such as anger.
Another reason "reclaiming emotions" is difficult is that many men flat-out don't know how they feel. They have gone years and years without looking at their actual feelings. It takes a lot of honest introspection to understand one's emotions. Once emotions are reclaimed, or at least understood better, then life improves for the individual and those around him.
My sincere hope is that the topic of masculinity becomes more in the mainstream, and we look back at Siebel Newsom and Howes as trailblazers with giving this topic the crucial attention it deserves.
One celebration through my journey will be the eventual publication of Advice to Your Man. This is the first full length book I have written, and it will be a part of a series, or "franchise" if you will. I have allowed a couple friends to look at my current draft and will be developing a platform in the next year before agents eventually find me.
I must say that I learned a lot during the writing of the book. Not only marriage stuff and topics linked to it, but I learned a lot about myself, how I write, how I work and how I love. It turns out that love is an action, not a mere idea.
Writing a book is one more wrinkle in my life, and I do not consider it an individual accomplishment. I feel it is a testament to those who have nurtured me on my way — my mom, my family, friends and mentors. Especially, it is a testament to my wife, Dina, and my girls, who share a loving household with me. I sincerely hope ladies and their guys read Advice to My Future Son-in-Law.
