Drakkar Noir: Superior to common scents

Many lads look to me for advice on how to talk to girls, be a man and be smooth. I tend to give terse, two-word phrases of advice, such as "be yourself," "calm down" or "just listen."

After years of giving advice, though, I have finally discovered the best two words to tell any young, potential loverboy - Drakkar Noir.

As any gentleman knows, a man's scent is what attracts ladies. Drakkar Noir is the perfect combination of wolf pheromones and tangerine undertones with a hint of rear-view mirror air freshener. I'm pretty sure it's an afro disiac for all mammals, including hippopotamuses, hyenas and classy ladies.

I speak from experience. Back when I was 14, I got my hands on some wonderful Drakkar Noir and immediately added maturity to my life and attracted women. Soon, I was sipping martinis on yachts, modeling Top Siders and playing baccarat in destinations including Monaco, the French Riviera and Garfield Heights, Ohio.Nowadays, lads are doing something similar with a product called "Axe," although it obviously is not as refined as Drakkar Noir. There will never be a more powerful scent, and even though I have no specific proof and it is impossible to research this fact, I am pretty sure Drakkar Noir is French for "Black Dragon."