The Art of Losing

I'm pretty good at losing.

Now, I don't want to sound too boastful. But as a lifelong Cleveland sports fan, I have a lot of experience. Plus, for seven years, I covered the perpetually losing Los Angeles Clippers, who made the playoffs just one time during that span.

So I've put a lot of time and effort into losing, and maybe that's why I like golf so much. It is a game that will humble anyone, and I feel we all need that sometimes.

But thinking about so many friends who have gone through rocky times, I realize that losing might be connected to God and/or Buddhism or something deeper. It probably shouldn't even be called "losing."

Suffering is a part of life, and we all likely have suffered or will be suffering before we know it. And that's what life is. Suffering. Joy. Winning. Losing. Birth. Death. Rebirth. It's all connected.

I used to love the phrase: "That what does not grow is dead."

I still like it, but as I age, I see the phrase differently. I'm realizing that true victories involve some sort of loss. It's kinda like we grow into a stronger or more mature person, but we have to leave our old selves behind. Perhaps a loss always is connected with true growth.

How much change, or growth, do we really want?

I often laugh when I hear something like, "Oh my God! You're not going to believe this movie. It's incredible. It will change your life!"

Uh, wait, a second. Do I really want my life to change? I actually like it as is. Why do we assume our lives need changing?

Maybe I'm one of those type of people who likes to "get out in front of it." Hey, man, I'm getting older. We're all getting older. Might as well embrace it and enjoy the ride in a healthy way.

With my daughters just starting senior and sophomore years in high school, I somehow have gotten over the shocking news that they are cooler than me. I guess that fact was inevitable, and I wonder how long it had been a fact before I realized it.

Sure, the days and years feel as if they're speeding by, but as I watch my daughters, I understand this is how it's supposed to be. I'm here to love, support and not lament who their childhood concerns have been exchanged for teen ones. Every day gets better for them, and every day gets better for me.

Yes, a lot of years have passed, but they're not lost. They've been transformed into memories, and I must admit I've always lived my best life with the knowledge and self-knowledge I had at the time. But looking back, egads, that knowledge was quite limited at times.

And here's where slight wisdom sneaks in. I understand that my knowledge, and so-called wisdom, is limited. At least now I finally understand that what I will look back at these days, shaking my head at how off some of my perceptions were.

However, I must say that I'm onto something about the art of losing. If we're never losing, how could we be winning?

Are the toxic Browns loyal to their fans?

No. Fun. League. 

Yep, that's how I see the NFL nowadays. It's just no fun. It's putting me, and us Cleveland Browns fans, in a predicament that we don't want.

Many of us are diehard, lifelong Browns fans, and we devote 17 weeks of our lives and a lot of the offseason to following our beloved Brownies. Of course, we want a Super Bowl, but we know that the Browns bring us fans together in the name of community and entertainment and connecting our generations. That's the deal. Right?

But now, what are we supposed to do? We are not fans of Deshaun Watson. He has 22 civil cases connected to sexual assault pending, and we take this seriously. Plus, he never has played for the Browns. Regardless, they signed him to the highest guaranteed contract in NFL history for five years, $230 million. They even gave up three first-round picks to do this.

In case you don't follow it, please understand that a day before agreeing to come to Cleveland, Watson told the Browns he wasn't interested. Please understand that 24 women have accused him of sexual assault and sexual misconduct. Just on March 11, a grand jury declined pursuing criminal charges against him.

In essence, the Browns announced, well, if there aren't criminal charges, then we're OK signing him to the biggest guaranteed contract in NFL history. How exactly do the Browns expect their fans to react?

We're obviously not excited because of the baggage Watson brings, the manner in which he already treated the Browns and the fact that the team has given up three first-round picks. What about the victims? What? All 24 were lying?

On the other hand, it may be unrealistic for us diehard fans to swear off the Browns, considering how loyal we are. However, the one thing I've learned about loyalty is that it's a two-way street. How exactly are the Browns being loyal to their fans with this move?

In the news conference to introduce Watson, the Browns brass did not say "yes" when asked if they thought he was innocent. And Watson said his record contract had nothing to do with him coming to Cleveland. Say what? Huh? Oh my God, what an airhead!

Not so long ago, I kept hearing from the Browns how Baker Mayfield embodied Cleveland. He had a chip on his shoulder and was the working man's quarterback. He was perfect for Cleveland, the Browns told us.

Now, all of a sudden, the Browns are asking fans to forget that narrative and go with "winning isn't everything; it's the only thing." All of a sudden, we no longer are a city that needs a QB to match our sensibility. What exactly is your story, Browns?

Story, feel and connection matter to us fans. Maybe that's why the owners, the country bumpkin Haslems, have never been a fit. They're from Tennessee and had a stake in the Pittsburgh Steelers before amassing the Browns. What do they really care — or even know — about our city? 

The Haslems are so culturally disconnected to Cleveland that they went all-in on an accused sexual assaulter that we don't want and my family refers to as "Cosby." Beware: Watson, AKA "Cosby," could end up as the biggest free-agent bust in NFL history. 

This is a public-relations disaster, and kudos for Plain Dealer columnist Terry Pluto for expressing his feelings, which match a lot of the fan base: "I can't recall the last time I was so angered and disappointed by a decision by a local franchise. My anger is aimed at the Browns, not Watson when it comes to this deal."

I have lived away from Cleveland my entire adult life, but I still identify with it as home and, of course, am a huge fan of its sports teams. After this lame signing of Watson, I can see no best-case scenario. Chances are, the Browns will be mediocre or fall flat on their faces. I mean if the unaligned, awkward and maudlin news conference is indicative of how it's going to be on the field, it's going to be pathetic.

On the flip side, even if the Browns miraculously win the Super Bowl with Watson, so what? Success isn't only about the outcome. It's about the process, too, and this already has been an unsuccessful process. "Unsuccessful" may be kind. Actually, it's pretty toxic.

One simple answer is this: Just don't watch it.

Maybe that's the simple progression for someone like me. The last time I saw the Browns in person was in 2015, when they played in San Diego at outdated Qualcomm Stadium. There was a lot of over-the-top rowdiness in the stands, and it took us over an hour to maneuver out of an undirected parking lot. No need to go in person any more.

Maybe there's no need to watch this junk any more. I will not get the NFL Sunday Ticket this year, and that's a step in the right direction. I hope to have my Sundays free again and live my actual life instead of watching players who don't even want to be in Cleveland. I don't cheer for villains or their enablers.

Attempted retraction turns into diatribe No. 2

Meathooks has called for a retraction.

I lost a 25 cent bet to Cousin Paulie.

Cleveland is happy, and its residents will be making sweet, sweet love tonight because the Browns actually won a game.

But I still can't stand Johnny "Freakin" Football.

What is my problem?

I just don't like him as a human being, a person. I try not to judge people, but when the weight of my Cleveland Browns falls on his 5-foot-6 shoulders, I believe I'm allowed to ponder this guy.

First of all, thank God the Browns beat the Tennessee Titans to improve to 1-1 and hold on for a 28-14 win. Manziel threw two touchdown bombs to Travis Benjamin, and those were the obvious offensive highlights. The first TD bomb on the second play of the game set the tone, and Johnny Football deserves major credit for that.

I've upgraded my thoughts on Manziel from "he's an absolute bust" to "let's wait and see — but he's probably a bust."

I am conflicted on whether I want him to be a bust. With a Browns first philosophy, I want him to work out and be a superstar. However, he is the most unlikable sports figure to don a Cleveland uniform — according to me.

I'm not even sure who's in the running. Albert Belle from the Indians was much-maligned. Ricky Davis from the Cavs could be redonkulous. I'm sure there have been plenty of criminals, but Manziel remains the biggest douche.

This could be a Snooze Button Generation (TM) gap. This punk is only 22, and I'm 41. Maybe there is a generation gap with this kid because I repeatedly look at him and think, "You got to be kidding me."

My gut tells me that Manziel still has the maturity of a flea. My gut says that he is all flash — and no substance. Even in football, he had two spectacular TD flings. But other than that, he was not good.

Johnny Football's success on the field may very well have to do with his mentality. I believe he has a highlight-reel mentality, but I'm not convinced he knows how to do little things to get a team to win.

I also surmise his personal life is like that. I bet he'd be a great guy to date because of the flash, but when it comes to hanging out at home and feeling chill, he'd be fumbling all night long.

Would I want my daughters to date him? Oh, God no. Would you want that for your daughters?

I don't trust Johnny Manziel, and I don't like that feeling. When the weight of the Cleveland Cavs is on LeBron James' shoulders, yes, I'll take that. If the weight of the franchise is on Manziel's shoulders, I am still thinking, "What has happened to us?"

But, hey, let's put this all in perspective. The Browns won. They're 1-1, and they've been to the playoffs once in the past 20 years. Even if today ends up as the highlight of Manziel's career, we'll take it!

Please, just release Manziel

As a native of Cleveland and longtime Los Angeles resident, I often look at connections between my beloved Cleveland and L.A.

The most obvious connection is this:

Both towns have been without the NFL since 1996.

You might say I’m being too harsh to the Browns, who actually did go 7-9 last season — their third best record in the past 20 years.

But I was absolutely disgusted — yes, disgusted — with the team’s 31-10 loss to the New York Jets this past Sunday. It’s time to vent!

Here I am on Thursday still disgusted. The team had the entire offseason to prepare for the Jets, who went 4-12 last year, and was blown out in the opener.

I believe we all have issues. We all have anger. We have negative thoughts and feelings at times. I put all of mine onto one person: Johnny Manziel — the devil incarnate, a boy who doesn’t belong on the football field, a symbol of the dysfunction of the Cleveland Browns. He’s got to go, ASAP.

Manziel does not belong in the NFL. The jury isn’t still out on whether he can be productive in the league. He is NFL incompetent. We knew that last year. We still know that this year. The possibility of Manziel playing more for the Browns makes me want to puke.

See, a lot about being an NFL quarterback is about instincts. Manziel is not a “throw-first” passer. He’s not even a “run-first” passer. He was a college star whose game does not translate whatsoever to the NFL. He can’t be “Clockwork Oranged” into a player with instincts that work in the NFL. I feel embarrassed for my team and for my city when he’s on the field. 

The fact that the Browns have him as the team’s backup quarterback irks me. The football people in the organization know that he will never be serviceable in the league. The ceiling on Johnny Manziel is “backup quarterback.” But his mentality and personality are so selfish and unhelpful, that role will not work. I say the Browns just cut his ass.

No one wants to admit mistakes. If somehow Manziel miraculously transforms his game into Andrew Luck’s or any legitimate starter in the league, then I will gladly print out this scathing column about him, place it next to my TV and remind myself how wrong I can be.

Impossible!

Unfortunately, I’m not wrong on this one. Manziel is the worst of the Browns’ 23 quarterbacks since coming back as a franchise in 1999. That list includes Colt McCoy and Seneca Wallace. Manziel couldn’t hold Seneca Wallace’s jock.

Have the Browns learned anything in 20 years?

You can’t just half-assedly pick Manziel because he won the Heisman, has a lot of Instragram followers and was around for the 22nd pick.

How in the world can he be selected that high and over Teddy Bridgewater and Derek Carr?

Manziel? A franchise quarterback? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!

The Browns know very well that Manziel will never be a franchise quarterback. And what is the point of keeping around a 22-year-old dickhead who has no chance of being that franchise guy?

The team’s acquisition of Josh McCown was the best they could do for a stopgap until one day that miraculous franchise QB comes along. But it would have been nice if they had McCown and St. Ignatius’ own Brian Hoyer on the roster this year instead of Johnny Freakin’ Football.

Of course, the team is so dysfunctional that it became impossible to have that scenario because Hoyer attempted to be a leader and apparently that was unacceptable to the insecure brass of the team. Plus, the offensive coordinator from last year, Kyle Shanahan, asked to be released from his contract to become the offensive coordinator for the Atlanta Falcons. Egads! What madness!

The Browns are an absolute laughingstock. No exaggeration.

My daughters and I make fun of them. Yes, we will be watching this Sunday. I am praying to God that I don’t have to see Manziel play. I am hoping that Austin Davis passes him on the depth chart. I’d like to see a 24th Browns quarterback in 16 years. 

Of course, I expect to hear this argument: “Manziel isn’t the only problem.”

True that.

But for a franchise that has had one playoff game in the past 20 years (a loss to the Steelers in 2002), the Browns’ dysfunction has been on display for so long that I can’t take this crap anymore. I’m especially frustrated now because the Browns went 7-9 last year, and there is absolutely no chance they can equal that this year. The team will be yet again taking a step back.

You might say, “Cool your jets. It’s only been one game!”

The roster simply does not have players that can win on the NFL level. I’m not certain the team can even compete on the NFL level.

Only one of two things can happen to help me believe the franchise is headed in the right direction.

Jimmy Haslam sells the team. The whole culture and structure of the franchise needs to be blown up, and, ultimately, that is the only way that can possibly happen.

Release Johnny Manziel.

Hopefully, McCown will be cleared to play from his “concussion protocol,” and the Browns will have a fighting chance against the Tennessee Titans.

I’m actually jealous of the lame Titans. They have a shot at having a franchise quarterback with Marcus Minotta. The Browns have no chance at that with Manziel.

I’d rather have nothing than him.

Hyperreality at Factory of Sadness

"I'm Fred Stevens. Welcome to Jackass!"

Although my brother never said those words, our trip to the Factory of Sadness during the Cleveland Browns' final game of the season turned into our version of "Jackass."

Apparently, my cousin Carlos, AKA "Know It All," has a history of hurting and/or attempting to hurt my brother at Browns games. Two years ago, he randomly tackled my bro as they approached the Factory.

As a gift to his groomsmen, my bro gave tickets to his best man J.T., me, Know It All, the World's Most Sophisticated Man and Scrappy Boy to the last game of the season. Jack, Know It All's 5-year-old son and my nephew, also joined our wolfpack.

Some sort of hyperreality ensued at the Factory of Sadness as we tailgated and cheered for our hapless Browns, who lost 13-9 to Pittsburgh and finished their season 4-12. At one point, Know It All wore of necklace of links.Eventually, snow came to the Factory of Sadness, and I am unsure what to conclude about my first trip to this place.

I guess that the event was a success because our wolfpack had fun. The Cleveland Browns, of course, have been a laughingstock since returning to the NFL in 1999. That followed a three-year hiatus as ridiculously immoral owner Art Modell moved the team to Baltimore.

Not to be too morose, but I have a theory that the Browns will continue to be horrible until Modell physically dies. Yeah, it's a bit strange and dark, but mark my words, the Browns will continue to be bad until that happens. Happy New Year, Mr. Modell!