That's what I heard from the server in a hip East Village eatery for brunch on Easter.
"I am such a dad," I replied. "In fact, I'm the dad of this entire restaurant!"
My, how our demographics have changed as Gen Xers! I lived in New York City back in the '90s, during part of my 20s. Last week, I explored the city with my beautiful wife, Dina, and our teenage daughters.
Apparently, Dina and I end up in NYC every three years or so, but this was the first time with the girls. Overall, we had a blast, ate some fuhgettaboutit food and did some solid touring, including going to the top of the Freedom Tower and seeing Wicked.
I guess I'm slow, and I should've realized this earlier. But my big takeaway was how NYC is such a youthful city, and no matter how darn cool I know I am, I can not pass for a 20-something hipster. We stayed in the Lower East Side at Public, an Ian Schrager hotel. He is famous for founding Studio 54, and the hotel attracts hipsters, not families. Coming to grips with my demographic was in my face as soon as we checked in.
"And your daughters will be in Room 309, sir," the hotel guy said.
Daughters? How could he assume that? And what's up with him calling me 'Sir'? Well, I guess I've been "Sir" for a while by now.
I quickly learned not to care about the dad treatment bestowed on me by NYC. But that's easier said than done.
A lot of New York memories flooded back as I would "stand clear of the closing doors, please," or when I saw the site of the Tic Tac Toe chicken in Chinatown or when I showed the girls where I used to live in Washington Square Village. I broke new ground, touring the city in full-fledged dad mode.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm probably the best parent to ever exist. A lot of fellow Gen Xers believe being a topnotch parent means losing their own lives, being a helicopter or bulldozer or treating their kids like little emperors. "Dad, make me a sandwich!" "Oh, yes Emperor Jaden, I'll get right on that!"
No, no, taking my cues from Julie Lythcott-Haims and her 2015 masterpiece How To Raise An Adult, I feel like Dina and I do what's right for us and the kids. We're on the same page, and we will always be. That doesn't mean we don't disagree. The kids don't dominate us; we don't dominate them. Hopefully, we put them in a position to develop character traits, such as grit, empathy, kindness and connection, that will serve them well in life. I guess that's my version of parenting.
Back to NYC, where Dina and I hit the streets with these beautiful teenage daughters as I remain a gray-haired dude who likes the Cleveland Guardians.