Showing posts with label birthdays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthdays. Show all posts

Monday, October 1, 2018

Memento mori

Back in 2010, the Snooze Button Generation (tm) staff determined that this blog and all of its subsidiaries would not do posts about the birthdays of CEO and founder Joe Stevens.

Today, we assure you that this is not a typical post about birthdays that says: "Mr. Stevens turned 45. Yay!!"

No, no, this is a bit different. This is a post about life, death, morality and humanity in which the phrase "memento mori" will be mentioned.

Mr. Stevens has some maudlin tendencies and sometimes looks at death as a "negative" part of life. Back in 2010, he said, "Believing in an afterlife is self-deceit. So each year, there's a bittersweet feeling about getting closer to chest-bumping the grim reaper? But y'know what? If you know what you're doing, each year gets better, and a birthday is a cause for celebration."

The Snooze Button Generation staff concludes that Mr. Stevens sometimes goes to the dark side, kind of like Paul Giamatti's character in the movie "Sideways." In fact, he was slightly depressed on his birthday and said things like, "Well, it's one more reminder of my inevitable doom. Another candle on the cake — might as well be another nail in the coffin."

Based on our years of working with Mr. Stevens, we have discovered that this death talk is part of his motif. He's like the goth girl in high school who would wear all black and say, "I wear black on the outside because that's how I feel on the inside." Just like the goth chick, Mr. Stevens does a lot of his morbid stuff for show.

Well, the SBG staff says, "Memento mori!"
Remember, that you die, you have to die. It is perfectly fine and human. To err is human. To be human means to be mortal. Humanity is beautiful as is mortality.

We say to take it and relish it, Mr. Stevens. You have helped make our days more than worthwhile by being on your staff and have offered many insights and peeks into your life that we have enjoyed.

An extremely relevant point he made on how fast life goes is when he concluded that age should be a fraction because of our perception of time. An 8-year-old is really only 1/8th, while a 45-year-old is a 1/45th because that's what he experiences that year.

Another catch phrase Mr. Stevens has been saying of late has been "30,000 days." It's a reference to the rough estimate for a human being's life expectancy, and it keeps with his death motif. We calculated that on his birthday he was at 16,425 days and told him that.

When he heard that, he said, "Oh geez. Figures. I'm telling you it's the Catholic stuff. They make up this heaven thing, tell it to 7-year-olds, and it undermines life and humanity. It's taken me years to understand that human life is actually better than any magical after-life with unicorns and rainbows. Thank God I gave up on that heaven madness. Oh, and thanks for the happy birthday."

The SBG staff debated on whether he went to the dark side with that statement, and, ultimately, we say he did not. Perhaps it was his way of saying: memento mori.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Chloe Stevens has a ball

Today is a momentous day in the Stevens family because of the symbolic exchanging of softballs.

Chloe Stevens also turns 4 today, and I am welcoming her to the time when, according to my Internet research, memories can stay with you forever. I now am making important points to Chloe by staring at her eyes and slowly saying, "Believe me. You will remember this for the rest of your life."

In the Stevens family, we welcome someone to age 4 with the giving of softballs and the terse message: "To ________, happy fourth birthday. Love, _______." I received a similar ball from my grandfather, Edward "Coach" Stevens, and on Sophie Stevens' fourth birthday, the XMan gave her a softball.As most Stevenses do, Chloe reacted to her softball gift with indifference followed by strained politeness. She preferred a package from Grandma that contained books, coloring books, temporary tattoos, four My Little Ponies, a dress, princess hair set, golf glove, symbolic golf ball, cash, airplane tickets to Sweden and a four-carat diamond necklace (only the final two items were exaggerated).

It will likely take Chloe 13 more years to truly appreciate her symbolic softball. But one day, she will.

Monday, September 27, 2010

SBG founder ages

Snooze Button Generation founder and CEO Joe Stevens has turned 37 years old today and insists that this website have no blog posts about that fact, and this post may get certain staff members fired.

"Look," Stevens said, "I can think of nothing more egotistical than writing about my birthday. That is totally unimportant to the Snooze Button Generation. If you do a post on that, you will be fired."

Before Stevens said those words, he talked about an array of subjects, including the planet Jupiter, Whoppers and something called "birthday insomnia."

"You explain to me why I can't sleep!?" he demanded. "It's gotta be the birthday. Did I sleep the day before I was born? There's no chance of that."

Stevens' words were pensive, yet practical, when describing the significance of turning 37. He talked about personal subjects, including his children, love and death.He also talked about the Cleveland Browns, point spreads and luck. He often switched conversations from personal subjects to pop-culture subjects and wondered aloud if somehow the two were connected.

When asked if he had any major point to make about turning 37, he said this: "Believing in an afterlife is self-deceit. So each year, there's a bittersweet feeling about getting closer to chest-bumping the grim reaper. But y'know what? If you know what you're doing, each year gets better, and a birthday is a cause for celebration."

Stevens' comments spurred a debate among the SBG staff. As the staff argued about the merits of an afterlife for human beings, he drank champagne in the corner of the room.

Finally, after a lot of arguing and champagne, Stevens said, "Cherish the relationships you hold dear to yourself. Sophie, Chloe, XMan, mom, Michael Scott, Meathooks and Sophistication - I love you all and more."