Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Two years

In a way, I'm still looking for the snail.

Apparently there is a snail in this picture, and I have been told it is right above the bell. OK, maybe. ... Man, that's sketchy.

A few years ago, the XMan and I frantically searched for this snail and were baffled by this particular page of a Winnie the Pooh Look and Find book. I actually have part of our frantic searching in the video below.

Why do I bring this up? Well, this Saturday will mark exactly two years since the XMan departed this planet. I have no major answers as to why this happened. Factually, I understand that he went to Hilton Head, S.C., on a golfing trip and then never came home. He had a heart attack, and I somehow composed this blog on that day.

I guess that he somehow died out of the blue is no longer an absolute shock because of the two years that have passed, although every so often I still can't believe that happened. I have been forced to accept that my father has died, and at this particular moment as opposed to the majority of my blogs about my dad — I do not feel ridiculously sad or in pain.

I continue to work through the most painful thing that has ever happened to me, and because of my lack of supernatural powers, I cannot bring him back. ... Or can I? ... OK, no, I can't, and I've never really met a reputable shaman.

Anyway, this type of loss is something that will be with me forever, and as I continually recover from this, I want to thank a lot of people who have helped me the past two years.

First of all, thank you, Tova. My girlfriend for more than a year and half and I will be celebrating Valentine's Day tomorrow, and she is supportive and a positive force in my life. She never met the XMan, but she shares some important traits with him, including putting an occasional ice cube in a glass of red wine. Without my family in California, Tova has been crucial as I adapt to life without the XMan's physical presence. Sincerely. Thank you!

I also want to thank Sophie and Chloe, who truly are my happy pills, and I want to thank my mom for being so strong and for my brother Fred and Judi, my extended Stevens and Warner family and friends who all miss X. I also thank the friends who either knew the XMan or at least have some compassion to me and my family for how profound of a loss we have endured.
I had a crying jag in Cleveland during a "year-end dinner" in which was a tradition for my mom, dad, brother Fred and me to rate our year. We picked up the tradition after a one-year hiatus, and it was difficult for me to not constantly miss him there.

Two years later, emotion will sneak up on me now and again. And, of course, I can never see any Look and Find book without thinking of my dad.