Thursday, August 26, 2010

'Sophie & Daddy' replaces 'Siskel & Ebert'

As Sophie Stevens clutched her security blanket and donned her 3-D glasses, the movie "Toy Story 3" reverberated in Theater 6 of the downtown Disney cineplex. Like many parents in movies with kids, I got more enjoyment watching her than the film.

Sophie, 5, just saw her first movie in a theater. Her review was this: "It was a little good. 'Cars' is better because of King Car. I liked Mr. Potato Head and Mrs. Potato Head. They're funny."

Because of Sophie's insightful review and my sophistication, we will end an 11-year void our country has endured and replace "Siskel & Ebert" as the country's foremost movie critics.

As a involuntary rule, I'm predisposed to dislike any, and all, sequels. A third installment of any movie already has a black mark against it because it may just be cashing in on previous success. "Toy Story 3," though, has too much humor, likability and toy memories for adults for it to get a thumbs down. The flick works for both kids and adults.

Although I tend to see approximately four movies per year in the theater and Sophie has only seen one in her life, we are obvious choices to replace Siskel & Ebert, whose TV partnership ran from 1986 to 1999.

Gene Siskel passed away in 1999, and movie reviews never were the same since. Roger Ebert then teamed with a sycophant named Richard Roeper, and that guy appeared bought off by the movie studios and/or an ignoramus. Sadly, Ebert now has battled thyroid cancer and has lost his voice. He remains an American treasure, even though he is in the twilight of his life.

Enter "Sophie & Daddy."The only negative to Sophie and my film-reviewing partnership is that we will only be able to review kids movies for many years. It likely will take us a decade to get to rated R films.

Below is a video of "Siskel & Ebert" outtakes that is arguably the funniest video on the Snooze Button Generation. I couldn't believe what I was seeing with this video and laughed heartily. Enjoy!
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Thursday, August 19, 2010

True leaders grow whiskers

Chester A. Arthur has been named the greatest U.S. president of all-time because of his facial hair, the Snooze Button Generation announced today.

Of the 44 presidents, only 10 had facial hair. The last to have any was William Howard Taft, who donned a mustache and served from 1909 to 1913. (Editor's note: This does not count the mutton chops of John Quincy Adams or Martin Van Buren because the chops have been ruled part of the head.)

So, that's right. The country has gone 97 years without a leader with whiskers. No wonder we're in a recession! How about growing a Fu Manchu, Mr. Obama?

Of the 44 presidents, only five had beards, and all of the facial hair happened from Abraham Lincoln's presidency until Taft's. So from 1861 to 1913, 10 of 12 presidents had facial hair. Yowsers!Now, here is where the Snooze Button Generation goes beyond mere fact reporting and can explain all that facial hair. Not only is it cool and stylish, but it is in reaction to James Buchanan's presidency.

Lincoln's presidency followed Buchanan's, and Buchanan was the only president who was a bachelor. Many say Buchanan was gay. He lived with another dude for 15 years, and Andrew Jackson referred to that dude as "Miss Nancy" and "Aunt Fancy." Tennessee Gov. Aaron V. Brown called the duo "Buchanan and his wife."

As we all know, presidents are extremely homophobic, and 10 of the following 12 after Buchanan felt the need to sport some facial hair in order to let the world know they were straight. Ironically, many looked like what is termed "a bear" in the gay community, similar to when an overweight Al Gore had his beard.
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Monday, August 16, 2010

Bindis: The perfect male accessory

Whenever my cousin Steve, AKA "The World's Most Sophisticated Man," visits, I learn a lot about myself and life in general. During his past trip, though, we had been cursed by a shiny head, and that made learning more difficult.

Alas, I still learned, and my biggest lesson was how spiritually advanced children are. As time progresses, adults may lose their spirituality whereas children have theirs intact.

How do I know this? Well, my daughters loved the bindis we wore. Many say bindis are simply decorative and do not necessarily signify spiritual awareness. I say poppycock to that idea because of how much my daughters liked them. My cousin and I are extremely spiritually advanced.Because of a lack of bindis at my supermarket and Target, we made our own, often by using decals, such as the free stickers found on bananas. This is a critical fashion tip for men, who tend to under-accessorize. Bindis - they're the perfect male accessory.

Many celebrities, such as Madonna, Gwen Stefani and Julia Roberts, have strutted their spiritual awareness by wearing bindis. I am baffled that they wore actual bindis instead of stickers and/or artwork made by daughters.Because Steve and I are considered trend setters, I am certain that bindis will be coming back as a part of American style and not just be an Indian thing. Just like we wear slacks, we will be wearing bindis - or banana stickers.
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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Incredible Hulk pants

As one gets older, the years bring perspective to nuances from childhood that perhaps were not understood at the time. Perhaps the years bring wisdom or insight.

Silly me, though. I thought that extra years to my life could help me explain the Incredible Hulk's pants. But, sadly, the years haven't helped.

I totally buy the idea that a scientist named Bruce Banner can get so pissed off that he turns green and into an exaggerated muscleman. But why in the world does his shirt rip to shreds and his pants transform to nicely fitted shorts? I am pretty sure this is either nonsensical and/or a conspiracy.

A cynic might say that one must suspend disbelief in a superhero story, but I say reality still has to be taken into account and the clamdiggers must be explained. The Incredible Hulk has had many forms on TV and the silver screen throughout the past 30 years. Unfortunately, when I watch any of them, I cannot get past the oddity of the Hulk pants and continually ask those around me why and how the pants can possibly turn into perfect shorts and typically change color as well.

I am not saying Hulk pants are not stylish. This just may be the most baffling thing I've ever encountered.

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Sunday, August 8, 2010

'The Lady' celebrates first anniversary

A little more than one year ago, this website showed the hidden hipster side of Smokey Bear in a celebrity interview. Not only did the interview anger Smokey himself, but it also probably riled his likely former love interest - actress Chloe Sevigny.

That celebrity interview was significant because it kicked off this website. Since then, Snooze Button Generation readers have been increasing, and hopefully visitors have been enjoying this blog.

Although the SBG did not want to make a big deal of its one-year anniversary, professional singer Kenny Rogers paid tribute to the blog (see video below) by singing and mysteriously referred to this blog as "The Lady."
Snooze Button Generation founder and CEO Joe Stevens took time out of his busy schedule to write an open letter to SBG readers on this momentous occasion:

Dear SBG readers:

I want to thank you for enjoying the blog I've been writing for the past year. I think I'm onto something with this Snooze Button Generation thing. After the Baby Boomers, some people say Generation X arrived. I find that lame. It's the Snooze Button Generation!

I plan on continuing blogging this next year, maybe less posts but more important ones. I also hope to respond more to comments on Facebook. As for the content, expect a mixture of my personal tales and quirks from SBG pop culture.

The one thing I did not expect from this blog is the outpouring of celebrity support. The fact that Kenny Rogers sang a tribute to the SBG without me knowing is completely shocking. I thank Mr. Rogers for his support.
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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Brady Bunch curse hits Long Beach

I cannot explain why this fact is so, but through my anecdotal research, I have discovered that nearly all of the Snooze Button Generation remembers "The Brady Bunch" episodes in Hawaii.

I was not an avid "The Brady Bunch" watcher, and, like most members of the SBG, only saw "The Brady Bunch" on reruns. But, man, that show where the kids discover a cursed talisman was memorable. I do not believe in cursed talismans, or idols, or anything of that nature, but that Brady clan was m-f-ing cursed in Hawaii.

This is all coming to light because I, too, have been cursed item by a relic - a Buddha head. My cousin Steve and I found a wonderful Buddha head, and since its purchase, bad karma has followed me, just like bad waves followed Greg Brady in Hawaii.Where did we discover this cursed relic? Well, we bought it at an exotic store called Ross Dress for Less.

How could such a rare, and unfortunately cursed item, be at Ross Dress for Less? Well, those gods are pretty darn tricky when passing out their curses.

Since obtaining the head, the following three things have happened that made me realize it is cursed: 1) The city of Long Beach refused to take away my neighbors trash on his tree lawn unless the trash is bounded. The neighbor cannot do that because he is an octogenarian, vaguely mute and probably doesn't want to risk soiling his beige Member's Only jacket. I likely will take care of that garbage in a day or two.

2) The Salvation Army refused to take away a sofa in which I tried to donate. I really didn't know the Army was so picky. I loved the couch for the past two years.3) I got sick at a party at my house, despite having just one drink. I had to miss most of the party due to a very bad tummy, fever and sleep. That was a bummer, and my tummy still is recovering.

Now, some people might say these three things do not necessarily mean I am in the possession of a cursed relic and are mere coincidences. Obviously, those people need to read more and are fool-hearty, believing the gods can't zap them at strip malls.
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